Made in Vietnam

This might be the end of diplomatic unity but I don't like my clothes being made in Vietnam. Not because I'm a horrible people hater but because I'm 93.7% sure that my clothes have gotten smaller since their manufacturing process moved from China and Indonesia - and it is not because I've magically become skinny.
Honestly, there is no reason why I should have to go up a size because your plant moved. Does 1in not equal 1in consistently around the globe? A yard is a yard, a meter is a meter and I shouldn't have to feel like I'm fighting a downhill battle.
It is bad enough that western society is trying to soothe the self esteem of larger people by changing the sizing system...I'm sorry but at no point does a size 22 = a size 2. If you are that sensitive about the number, do something about it...like exercise or change your eating habits.
Say whatever it is that you may but I've worked hard to get back down to a 14/16 and I'm proud of it. I don't want to pretend that I wear a size 1 and I don't want to have to buy an 18 because you want higher profit margins!

I wear a:

 8/20+ in Vietnam

16/18 in Indonesia

14/16 in China

16 in pants

14 in dresses

8.5 in shoes

2-5 in socks

Its called a:

16 in US

33 in UK

2 in Target

XL in Old Navy

M/L or L/XL in Loft

 

Can someone please tell me why I need an advanced degree to buy clothes?!

Sincerly,

The girl who wants her fabric back!

 

To be or not to be...

Whether tis nobler to be fat and happy or skinny and irritated. That is the question.

I ask myself this every time I read my workout schedule and it isn't a rest night...and every time I see that 10min workout section on the workout because 10mins still should not hurt that bad...and every time I think about what working out is going to do to my hair....and every time I have to convince myself that sleeping is not the better alternative.

I'm still working on asking myself when I eat though, which I feel is a problem. My last trainer and every other fit guru always says you can't outtrain a bad diet. My diet isn't bad but I have a small problem with sodium - I love it and it loves the weight. I realized that is my problem when I can drop 6lbs on the scale from a good sweat and minimal water intake. My worst friend = water retention. It is apparent in my clothing sizes and from people who see me that I'm getting smaller, but seriously, I want the scale to go down.

All that said, my normal diet isn't really the problem...the problem is my cravings. I go hard on cravings once a month and it does damage like no other. I'm also a closet eater which is all types of bad since I live alone.

I'm going to go back to calorie counting in hopes to get this under real control soon. I have a life to get sexy for!

Anything you can do, I can do better!

I can do anything better than you!

Aside from this being the chorus of one of my favorite Christian Rap songs...I'm now competing against myself and I refuse to lose!

Just to prove I'm serious...and since I needed to finalize my revisions here is my new workout schedule:
Monday AM: Zumba Medium Intensity (am) 10 Minute and 2 mile run
Monday PM: Pilates and Yoga dvd

Tuesday AM: 10 Minute Solution Latin Dance
Tuesday PM: Zumba High Intensity

Wednesday AM: 20min Stationary bike
Wednesday PM: Rest

Thursday AM: Zumba Medium Intensity
Thursday PM: Total Body workout

Friday - 3.1 mile walk run and upper body weights

Saturday - 30min stationary bike and Pilates

Sunday - Rest

------

Yesterday I seriously considered giving up eating because working out this hard is overrated. Next I think I'm going to sign up for a 5 or 10k in April or May.

This is not a game!

Lose a Toddler or Die Trying

First off.. To date my official progress is 26lbs. I actually lost 33lbs but then back tracked because of vacation and reckless abandonment of my eating habits in exchange for fun. I'm pretty sure I'm down 2 dress sizes. I'm fitting pants that I wore during my second skinniest year in college when I gained 15lbs so my family wouldn't admit me for fear that I developed an addiction or habit. My side stomachs and back fat are noticably smaller and I got my two pack back!

I'm happy about the progress I've made...but I don't feel any closer to the initial weight that the doctor told me I should try for. and somehow, I convinced myself that I should at least try to lose 60 more pounds for my ideal size. My new goal is another toddler (30lbs) by July.

While I haven't figured out where I'm going to lose it from, I think I might lose my mind before then.

This is how it all started...
I decided I needed to lose weight, Janaan decided to be supportive so we started running, I quit running, Janaan got a new job and started working out different times and ways, I started running again,  I'm not almost to my goal weight but as we see here: http://findingjanaan.blogspot.com/ Janaan is and she looks great! She never looked bad to begin with and even after have two kids was still smaller than me but I still feel like I needed to step my game up since she stepped hers up for an upcoming vacay. 

I was just running - for two months she has been doing a two a day plan outlined by her hubby created. So in an act of humilty, I admitted to myself that my running plan just wasn't doing enough so I added her workout regimen to my running plan but....

IT HURTS.... in places that I didn't know it could hurt. I don't even know why a 10 minute workout would feel that way ever, under any circumstance. I am only on day 4...and I hurt more than when the running team ran my route and somehow tricked my mind into running a 10 minute mile with no prior training (I usually run a 13-15mile). The crazy part is right now, it's really just doing Zumba twice a day... and a little pilates to help with my core.

Now all I have to do is get my 2mile a day 5 days a week running min back into this routine - so far I've only managed to do 2 days...1 running and 1 on the bike.

I might need a new title: Lose a Toddler or Die Trying

Stop Watching Me!

I always feel like somebody is watching me, judging me, teasing me, taunting me. Not in a I'm being stalked 24hrs a day or my chuckie doll won't stop showing up kinda way though. And this is totally unrelated to my ability to garner positive attention when I go out. I really only feel that way when I'm working out and when I'm eating. I know it is irrational but I can't stop feeling that way.

At the gym, the little voice inside me tells me that everyone thinks the fat girl is gonna tap out after 30 seconds. Or that the skinny people are taunting me when they choose the same machine I'm on. Or that no one would ever believe that this wasn't a new years resolution that I'm barely holding onto but my normal workout routine when I'm not traveling.

When I'm eating homemade leftovers and people say it smells good - I hear...ohh figures she can cook given her size. Or comments about how I clearly don't eat salads often on the days I have salad. I get offended when the people at the drive thru ask me if I want to up size or add dessert.

It makes me want to yell at people... or wear shirts and buttons that say things related to how much I workout and that my bp is extremely good...but I know it is irrational so I bottle it up for future treadmill motivation.

A better me!

In general I'm working on being a better person...aren't we all?

I want to be a better friend, a better godmother, a better aunt, a better woman, employee, daughter, sister...but most important of all, a better ME!

The first step in that was cleaning out all the crap. I had to take the time to rid my life of the things that were polluting my life and my soul. That is when I decided I needed to lose weight. Primarily because in de-cluttering my life, I wanted to declutter my closet and that meant putting timelines on clothes that I loved but couldn't fit anymore.

The second step was identifying and/or affirming the things I stood for. I had to do this in order to recalibrate my decision making and affiliations. This is when I decided that at minimum, I wanted to lose a toddler. Not just because my doctor called me fat and my clothes weren't fitting but also because I decided that I want to lead a healthy AND active lifestyle. I also want to attract a man that wants the same and my extra pudge is not conveying that message.

The third step was defining my support system. While I can be over the top with everything...I'm also good at quitting. I didn't want the option to quit on me I don't have the option to quit on me. So I got some accountability partners...not just for exercise but for those things that I really want to make a change on but need a little extra help sometimes. People who will tell me I'm out of control or I need to make sure I run or ask me if I really think the foolishness I'm doing is a good thing.

The final step is to start again every day. Because if each day is the first day to making a change in my life, I never have to worry about what I did yesterday or what I will do tomorrow and that keeps me focused on what I can change and control. My choices today are for today based on today because calories don't wait til tomorrow to add that pound and yesterdays workout isn't burning calories for  today. There is no pressure for what might...

Besides a month of good todays is better than I'm going to do better tomorrows.

Phillippians 4:13

"For I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me"

I've come to the realization that like everything else in my life, in order to lose the rest of this weight...I'm going to need Christ to strengthen, guide, and protect me... strengthen my mind to continue thinking this is the right thing to do, guide my body to the gym, and protect me from the high calorie foods I love that is...
Some people think I enjoy working out - they hear my regimen and automatically assume that this is the lifestyle I want to live. That couldn't be further from the truth. While I enjoy doing stuff and being active...I don't want to have to workout. Nothing about working hard and sweating my hair out for a 30-45min workout twice a day without instant gratification is my idea of fun. So now when I run, I listen to Christian Rap because if Jesus can die for my sins why can't I run for another quarter of a mile. If God can love me that much, why can't I love myself enough to finish that 30mins. Surprisingly...it works and I'm glad because my only other option is to pray for the miracle that I go to sleep tonight and wake up healthy in my ideal body. And while I know He could do it, the same way He fed the multitude...I don't think that's on God's to do list.

It is easier to be fat...

1. Being active is more work than not (being active).

Let's be real - there is a lazy person trapped in side of me screaming to get out. Usually the over-acheiver in me wins but just for a second, what if... I laid on the sofa all the time, quit all the extras in my life - including bicep curling a 2 yr old for fun and just ate whatever, whenever. 

 

#Healthy 0 - Fat 1

2. Winter and rain makes it easier to be fat and
I really believe this and not just because I feel like I've been in a perpetual state of winter FOREVER....and there are more cold and bad weather months than warm weather ones.  No...mainly because in my recent travels to Mexico and Florida where the temperature was consistently over 72 degrees - my body told me to do all the things that the cold weather tells me I can put off until tomorrow like: eat a salad instead, let's go running, hold your abs in, we should really workout today. The winter says things like - oh its too cold to run outside, there isn't enough day light once you get off work to get those 3 miles in and maybe we should snuggle on the sofa for a while...

 

#Healthy 0 - Fat 2

3. Water is not made equally...
Lemonade always tastes like lemonade. I suspect sweet tea always tastes like sweet tea (I don't drink it). Soda always tastes like soda (except in Mexico) but water...no, water varies depending on where you are, how much ice, the quality of the water, the cup it is in. It is much easier to choose something that despite the 400 calories I won't notice I've taken in, will taste good regardless especially when the alternative is a weird look when I say I've brought my own water with me or ask for a whole lemon to mask the lack of floride used in the filtering process.

 

#Healthy 0 - Fat 3

4. Counting calories sucks
So the growing trend in dining out is to make this easier as everyone tells you how many calories are in that nugget meal or that those garlic mashed potatoes are not in the "under 500 calories" section of the menu....but short of having an excuse to look busy and important on your phone - WHO is excited about recapping and strategically planning their food intake in hopes to stay somewhere between 12-1500 calories per day including snacks and that happy hour you promised to attend on the day you decided you wanted chicken fingers and french fries for lunch? WHO? It is always easier to eat whatever you want and hope/pray that it doesn't end up on your thighs - figuratively speaking of course!

 # Healthy 0 - Fat 4

 

While I'm not sure that I want to take the road less traveled all the time...I guess I will continue to fight the good for healthy. I'll keep doing things other than sitting on my sofa, dream of warm weather while I run on the treadmill, continue to request extra lemon or byow...but the calorie counting... *sigh* I guess I will do that too.

 

All for the love of healthy! And losing this toddler!

Vacations come and vacations go...

But the extra few pounds that I gained from a high margarita, mexican diet fo four days won't seem to leave. I guess fun comes at a cost...and mine is 5lbs added. Despite the 30min fast paced sand walk, the 2 mile swim towing my mother or the 8hrs of walking around Xcaret (a park celebrating the Yucatan people and ruins) - I still managed to gain 5lbs.
The good news is that its not showing in my thighs and its only 5lbs, the bad news is that its 5lbs that I had already mastered. I shouldn't feel so bad as mom and CeCe gained weight too lol. Yep - crabs in a barrel all the way. If I gotta gain, We All gain!

Now I just have to motivate myself back to the gym. My present motivation is that when I go on vacay to JA later this year I want to be justified in wearing a bikini.

One more toddler to go and 5 months to make it happen. Readddddyyyy...Break!