6 months from now...

Given all the "fun" that is considered my life right now, CeCe says...think about 6 months from now.

Problem is...I can't envision 6 months from now. I can barely envision 6 mins from now which is not normal for me. Usually I can analyze and see everything from once upon a time to happily ever after...usually I can envision the end result so clear that it feels like I can reach out and touch it but for some reason, I am stuck in the "right now".

But let's see if I can "talk" myself into 6 months...

By the end of May (1 Month): my goal is to be 17lbs lighter. I was well on my way to this goal with my last diet jump start buttttt that kinda got derailed by pms

By the end of June/early July I want to be in a new weight class. Maybe I will have a two pack and be able to wear shorts that aren't athletic outside of the house.

In August I'm going to Jamaica (by any means necessary) - I don't want to be the fat girl on the trip which puts a lot of pressure because some of those going like Pep and Drow are in the size 0-4, 5'4 group so I'm automatically going to look like a giant.

At the end of the day...in 6 mins or 6 months I'm going to have to put on my big girl panties, make some adult like decisions, keep my faith in God that everything will work out for my good and push forward remembering that I am my worst enemy and He is my best friend and helping towards His goals for my life.

So here I am 6mins from before...rejuvenated and motivated to make it to 6months from now where I will be stronger, better, wiser and thinner than I am today!

Bad choices...

I've made and apparently continue to make a lot of bad choices in my life. Not because I'm a glutton for punishment but moreso because I don't realize it wasn't a good choice until after the fact and because I need help but generally don't know where to turn when it matters most. My support system is good but there is something inside of me that thinks I can do this on my own.

The same goes for my diet/workout efforts. I make bad choices... sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Yesterday when I ate those chips and then followed up it with pretzels, I knew it was a bad choice (I should have had an apple or water). Last week when I went to Legal Seafood with my aunt and parents and had shrimp dumplings and broccoli and a sampling of their appetizers/food...I thought I was making good choices - until the scale showed me otherwise.

All that to say is I wish I could make up for my bad life choices as easily as I can make up for my bad diet/workout efforts. I honestly wish that someone convincing me to workout a little harder had the same affect on the extra stress and chaos in my life as it does on the number on the scale.

Right now I'm not just fighting the scale, I'm fighting my mind, body and soul to make changes that are not happening overnight, to not give up on this part of my life just because the rest of it seems to be falling to pieces and to continue to think I'm worth it because deep down inside I know I am.

Today I made the choice to keep fighting at least from my diet aspect...unfortunately, I think I'm running out of fight for the other parts of my life. My only motivator in not letting the stress take over me right now is the commercial with the man yelling at me telling me that stress causes body fat...and I don't have any Relacor.

I've got the golden ticket!

*whistles* I've got the golden tickeetttttttt!

and it officially got me over the plateau and back to losing weight again!

I jump started my efforts by cutting out meet for a week (I only made it 4 days) which in turn increased my vegetable intake. Primarily because soon after I didn't have meat as an option, I realized I eat a LOT of carbs - so I tried to curb those too.

Then I changed my workout plan. I was (and still am) doing two a days but what I wasn't doing as much was running. I cut back on running because when I started the two a days my body couldn't handle both. So now, I've re-incorporated at least 3 days of running back into my routine.

New schedule:

Sunday am: Rest
Sunday pm: 10min Fat Blasting Intervals

Monday am: 20mins Stationary bike
Monday pm: Zumba Medium Intensity 45mins (in May - Total Body Workout)

Tuesday am:  20min workout - Lean Body Sculp and Belly Fat Burners
Tuesday pm: 2 mile run and 10mins Fat Blasting Intervals

Weds am: Zumba High Intensity 20mins
Weds pm: Rest

Thurs am: 20mins Stationary bike
Thurs pm: Total Body Workout

Friday am: 2 mile run and 10min Belly Fat Burners
Friday pm: Rest

Sat am: 10mins Stationary bike & 2 mile run/walk
Sat pm: Rest

My new smaller subset goal is 17lbs by the end of May...and then we have to add Softball practice into this schedule. Next stop...sexyville!

Really???

Like forreal? How do you know for sure? Who told you? What made you believe them? Why should I believe you? How will I know? Really?

Are all questions that I ask myself and that little voice inside my head that convinces me that running 2miles on the treadmill is enough.

Sure, I know it is better than not working out and of course I know its better than I did this morning and the last time I tried to run cause I did 2 miles and yeah it seems like I should get extra credit for running without optimal lung capacity BUT is it really enough?

I used to see results, the scale used to move, my body got smaller than it was but that doesn't confirm anything more for me than thinking I found waldo in a candy cane store. I feel the same way about working out twice in a day... other than more muscle pain, I'm not sure its worth the effort.

Part time vegetarian

Because being a full time veggie head is too much commitment and I like chicken! Now mind you, I only eat chicken, turkey and seafood. Some already classify me as a vegetarian but I don't....except this week. And one week a month for a while.

I started this to help support Brielle and in some ways to cleanse. What I've learned so far is I live a carb heavy life. So on day two of my weeks journey...I'm really trying to monitor my carb intake. I think I made progress.

As a backup reward, I've saved money from not eating out and have managed to prepare my lunch in advance - which still has not helped me get out of the house any earlier for work. Good thing that wasn't the goal!

My lungs, your habits

For the record...and anyone who truly knows me can verify that I am a board certified, physician approved, card carrying, badge wearing, secret hand shaking having non breather. This isn't a role a play on tv, we are not a part of a bad reality series and no that nebulizer is not for dramatic effect.
On a good day my lung capacity is in the yellow zone...and I mean, that's when I'm feeling good. I don't remember the last time I tested in the green zone. My asthma is environmentally, allergy, stress and exercise induced. You know what that means...I am not as prone to have an asthma attack when I'm in a relaxed environment that has loy humidity, no smog, no pollen (plant life) where I'm not doing anything.

Despite this, I do not force my lung induced bubble on the rest of the world. Not because I'm kind becaue the reality is that most people wouldn't survive 10mins following the restrictions I'm supposed to follow or adjusting to diminished breathing while maintaining a normal life style.

I don't do it because I don't want it done to me... for the life of me! I cannot understand if we are not on the elevator at the same time why I have to taste you cologne or perfume, or why you think its a good idea to spray enough lysol to disinfect a small village in Africa (and by small, I mean large), or what possessed me (yes me) to leave my windows open in the spring or why I have to get a contact high from waking past you right after I get off the treadmill... I'm just saying...Can I Live! And enjoy my post-workout glow :-)

Steroids

It seems that we all know someone who is, was or might be on steroids... heck, if you look at the news there are only like 4 athletes that aren't on "performance enhancing drugs"

but as for me and my households...I don't want them!

I have been on steroids every spring since moving to Atlanta because my sometimes exercise or stress induced asthma is also allergy induced. GRRRR!!!!

While athletes might be dying to have a doctor knowingly and encouragingly supply steroids...I DON'T LIKE IT.  In real life on steroids...you don't bulk up in that one area that was your weakness - you get bigger everywhere and your appetite increases and you eat more and I don't have a personal trainer and the ability to workout for 6hours a day because it is my job to be fit.

Being on steroids for me means potentially gaining back the 30lbs that I worked hard to lose, it means having to work harder than 2 a days to lose 3lbs in a week...sure it means being able to function because I can actually breathe but it isn't worth it. So I cower in doors in hopes to not have the pollen inflame my lungs, co-washing, washing or just rinsing my hair every other day and lots of prayer.

vent over....

Bandwagon Fan

I confess! Usually I'm all about not being a bandwagon fan - I almost despise these types of fans because I'm a Hometown Team supporter through the good and the bad...and there has been plenty of bad. This weekend I jumped on a bandwagon of a team during the DII Championship game because they shared the mascot my undergrad school and the colors of my grad school....and WE WON! I did a dance and cheered like I did 4yrs and an internship in Springfield, Missouri.

It was a great time, the only problem is I didn't jump back onto the workout bandwagon. Last week I worked out twice because my body was under its monthly attack. I tried to push through it but every inch of me said no. This week, I'm fighting early onset extreme allergies since spring showed up on Friday. What makes it so bad is that I'm finally getting my eating habits back in line and my workout regimen falls off.

So far, I missed my Sunday workout.... I did manage to to my Monday morning workout. Monday evening was a different story. I opted for sleep. I did get up today and do part of my Monday evening and my Tuesday morning workout. My plan tonight is to do my evening Zumba and the two mile run I missed yesterday. I still need to get in one more 10min workout...I think I will leave that for Thursday morning.

My hope is that I'll jump back on the workout bandwagon immediately!

Saturday Love....

My body has a Cherelle "Saturday Love" on what it should have to do to lose weight successfully...

Never on Sunday
Monday is too soon
Tuesday and Wedsnesday just won't do
Thursday and Friday the weekend begins
But a Saturday love, will never end!

Now that I'm back to being normal after a week out of commission, I need to find a new song to identify with.