Someone in corporate marketing realized that they could make money by telling people that being natural is more healthy. And like us humans usually do - we took it and ran full force applying it to every aspect of our lives. It has become the new norm in our Western civilation - accepting the naturalness... So people retreated to organic food, natural hair...not only are we not adding juices and berries but we aren't adding salt, sugar and I think fructose is a curse word.
With all that being said - there is a serious misconception out there that is further dividing african american women that makes my blood boil. That is the concept/idea that not having processed hair makes you better, healthier and different that someone who does.
Why you ask???
For a few reasons -
1. I was natural before it was a fashion statement. I know my hair texture and its not that I don't like it, its not as easily managed as I want it to be so I choose to still process my hair. Not because I want bone straight hair to seem more white BUT to clarify, my natural hair texture in parts of my hair is straight...like my great, great grandmother who was dark chocolate in complexion so let the misconceptions and assumptions about why people process their hair go.
2. My processed hair does not inhibit me from doing ANYTHING... I swim, I run, I play sports, I workout. I am one of the most active people in my circle of friends and family and when I think about it, I'm one of the last few standing that are not natural. I've encouraged people to start running, to workout and to wash their hair more than once a month. When my hair gets dirty, I wash it just like my natural counterparts. When my hair gets wet, I wait for it to dry or dry it. When I don't feel like coming it, I put it in twists or a ponytail. Being processed doesn't make it un-hair just like water doesn't make it melt away.
3. I juice... I don't eat pork or beef. I prefer cloth bags at the store (when I remember to bring them) and I like vegetables. My favorite food is broccoli. Not being natural doesn't change these things.
I want everyone to be happy with who they are and where they are in life. I know 20 different reasons why people decided to stop processing their hair and all of them are valid for those people. Just like my reason not to stop is valid for me. I don't care what your reason is/was but I think we do all women a disservice by finding yet another reason to create a divide.
Be Healthy, Be Happy, Be You but most important Be Accepting. Because I'm happy being healthy and it didn't require me to be natural.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Broken
Not literally and not permenantly but that is what happened when I became mentally and physically tired of the constant stress and work associated with losing weight.
I took a break and that was a fail. I thought I would come back harder and stronger with more energy and excitement but all I know is that I'm still over it. I workout and I've been eating decent but I'm over how much it takes. I'm too the point where I don't think I can do it alone.
I need help! But in the meantime, I'll get back to the basics...
Two workout classes
2-3 days of running
Juicing for at least one meal
Proper water intake
and prayer!
I took a break and that was a fail. I thought I would come back harder and stronger with more energy and excitement but all I know is that I'm still over it. I workout and I've been eating decent but I'm over how much it takes. I'm too the point where I don't think I can do it alone.
I need help! But in the meantime, I'll get back to the basics...
Two workout classes
2-3 days of running
Juicing for at least one meal
Proper water intake
and prayer!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Thelma and Loiuse
Laverne and Shirley, Paris and Nicole... All female duos going down in history for riding together. We all need someone to ride with -for me I've had different someones but the most constant in this toddler losing journey has been Wilma (so that means I'm Betty).
When I think back over the last 6years and the ebbs and flows of this journey - she has been there to support me, enable me, abandon me, scold me and laugh with me. Some days we cry, some days we run, some days we cry and run. We have both grown in many ways but whenever I need motivation to get this fat girl to hide, she is there...unless she is fake busy. We are back at it again but I think she is afraid that we are going to go back to our old leave the drill master and eat a whole pizza kind of ways - so she won't fully commit. Truthfully, I don't need her to commit - I just need someone to ask me if I'm doing it. My accountability partners suck right now and I have to stay motivated for KeKe and Berry. See - I finally got them to agree to do this cousin 5k with me and Payne... but I gotta make sure they don't leave me in the dust!
Hopefully this time we will both see our goals reached!
When I think back over the last 6years and the ebbs and flows of this journey - she has been there to support me, enable me, abandon me, scold me and laugh with me. Some days we cry, some days we run, some days we cry and run. We have both grown in many ways but whenever I need motivation to get this fat girl to hide, she is there...unless she is fake busy. We are back at it again but I think she is afraid that we are going to go back to our old leave the drill master and eat a whole pizza kind of ways - so she won't fully commit. Truthfully, I don't need her to commit - I just need someone to ask me if I'm doing it. My accountability partners suck right now and I have to stay motivated for KeKe and Berry. See - I finally got them to agree to do this cousin 5k with me and Payne... but I gotta make sure they don't leave me in the dust!
Hopefully this time we will both see our goals reached!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
No Mas Pantalones
Maybe instead I will wear shorts or skirts or dresses but no more pants. It is officially summer and the sun is in building! Despite my new pants revolution I'm excited about my new accomplishment of getting my thighs to join the movement and it will be televised lol. Why you ask...because recently I ventured into a store I happen to frequent for tops and dresses but couldn't get bottoms because like most places theydon't allow for my "thunder thighs" as my dad so lovingly put it. Usually I just keep it moving but I'm trying to slowly acquire new bottoms that fit appropriately so I picked up a few and asked Wilma to help me not make a fool of myself and maintain my self esteem for the day. This seems extra but the largest size in store is a14 so it isa big deal. I slip on the sorts and they fit well...I do a little dance, ask for a little reassurance, and triple check for appropriate fit and style. So now here we are...me super excited cause I'm almost at my next goal milestone despite my two week trip down what the heck...that isn't a good idea lane.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Status Report
Summer is officially here...and despite but being completely beach ready there is progress.To date that progress has been significantly slower in my thighs than anywhere else in my body but I'll take some progress over no progress any day. I am proud of my current success. I like my new body...but I still have work to do. I recently to an unintentional break that included all types of delicious nonsense but not without some real guilt. I'm re-committed to my goal for a healthier lifestyle and smaller clothes.
That dedication now means a weight lifting program, maintaining a run page of under 12min per mile and improving my eating habits.
So onward and smaller we go!!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
TOP SECRET...
What do you do when your friends and family don't tell you that you are fat? Do they truly not see it because they see you all the time? Are they afraid to hurt your feelings? Does love give them a filter like in that one movie that I can't remember the name of?
Honestly - with my latest accomplishments in my weight loss/healthy living journey I've received a lot of compliments about how good I'm looking, oh my goodness you are disappearing etc, etc. Initially I had a complex because I wondered if I was a beach whale before...and those around me told me no...they didn't know why I was making such a fuss about people complimenting my progress. They insisted that I've always been proportionate and never fat, etc etc.
Then I went thru the phase where I finally started seeing a difference in my body and got excited and showing off a little more and they were like wow, yeah...but then I got a little insecure because my clothes are acting crazy and playing tricks on me...
So someone (out of love, respect and wanting to show me how proud she was) showed me some pictures of me from before...and I was a damn whale. And being proportionately fat does not make you less fat - it just means more body everywhere. And being tall isn't an excuse for not being healthy. But now I see the difference and being fit and active is part of my normal lifestyle, I crave it and I'm not going back to those clothes again...
And just so you know - now I'm looking at all yall sideways cause no one told me.
Honestly - with my latest accomplishments in my weight loss/healthy living journey I've received a lot of compliments about how good I'm looking, oh my goodness you are disappearing etc, etc. Initially I had a complex because I wondered if I was a beach whale before...and those around me told me no...they didn't know why I was making such a fuss about people complimenting my progress. They insisted that I've always been proportionate and never fat, etc etc.
Then I went thru the phase where I finally started seeing a difference in my body and got excited and showing off a little more and they were like wow, yeah...but then I got a little insecure because my clothes are acting crazy and playing tricks on me...
So someone (out of love, respect and wanting to show me how proud she was) showed me some pictures of me from before...and I was a damn whale. And being proportionately fat does not make you less fat - it just means more body everywhere. And being tall isn't an excuse for not being healthy. But now I see the difference and being fit and active is part of my normal lifestyle, I crave it and I'm not going back to those clothes again...
And just so you know - now I'm looking at all yall sideways cause no one told me.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Who Run It?!
I must admit that there are some very ignorant southern based rap songs that fit the most random occassions with an obscene amount of bass that is just enough to get your point across when you are hype.. I have no idea who sings/raps it but when I think about what I just did this pops into my head: "who run it! this something something run it, something what you about cause the first hater in is the first hater knocked out" #dontjudgeme #slaughtersongssince83
Why is fitting today you ask?
Well because for over a year now I had a pace goal of 12min/mile - I got tired of running 5ks in 45mins and people congratulating me because I finished. I am also getting tired of the 10min/mile runners making me look bad on my route and MAYBE one day I will join a run club so I need a decent pace.
Why is fitting today you ask?
Well because for over a year now I had a pace goal of 12min/mile - I got tired of running 5ks in 45mins and people congratulating me because I finished. I am also getting tired of the 10min/mile runners making me look bad on my route and MAYBE one day I will join a run club so I need a decent pace.
Well TODAY, Today, today... I did it! I did 3.1miles in 34mins 54secs with a few walk breaks to catch my breathe and get my music back together. Not only did I meet my goal of 12min/mile I beat it and did a 11min15sec/mile pace!
I am so geeked right now it makes no sense! I'm also tired as hell... is it nap time yet?
#losingatoddlerandreachingnewheights
Friday, June 7, 2013
On: Giving up on Me
Truth is that I've almost given up on myself a number of times during this journey...usually it shows up in ways that are justifiable like being tired - so I would sleep in instead of working out, or being hungry - so I eat foods that I know don't help me towards my goal nor serve any nutritional value but there have been a few times when life has gotten the best of me. It is a feeling of being so overwhelmed that quitting truly seems like the best option. Or you feel like you haven't made any progress, so why keep fighting so hard for nothing.
The past few weeks have been exetremely stressful and I was doing good in managing it and ensuring I continue to workout and keep a positive disposition. Until I felt like my soul was crying - that day I quit me and everything that came along with it. Sure I can put on a game face for others but I could no longer fool myself. There was a day when I looked in the mirror and thought "life wasn't so bad when you were bigger...and you won't get but so big if you quit"
I had checked out... I did enough working out so as not to cause concern for those around me to notice...I conjured up enough energy to fake the right smiles and crack the right joke but on the inside I was falling...hard and fast. The only thing that is saving me is my faith and God knowing how much I can handle. I'm not all the way back yet but I was reminded that if God woke me up then He isn't done with me and if He hasn't given up on me...then I can't give up on me either.
The past few weeks have been exetremely stressful and I was doing good in managing it and ensuring I continue to workout and keep a positive disposition. Until I felt like my soul was crying - that day I quit me and everything that came along with it. Sure I can put on a game face for others but I could no longer fool myself. There was a day when I looked in the mirror and thought "life wasn't so bad when you were bigger...and you won't get but so big if you quit"
I had checked out... I did enough working out so as not to cause concern for those around me to notice...I conjured up enough energy to fake the right smiles and crack the right joke but on the inside I was falling...hard and fast. The only thing that is saving me is my faith and God knowing how much I can handle. I'm not all the way back yet but I was reminded that if God woke me up then He isn't done with me and if He hasn't given up on me...then I can't give up on me either.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Keep your head up!
I could be quoting Tupac and telling you that things are going to get easier...but he lied. He might not have lied about the juice being sweeter with a blacker berry but things don't get easier in weightloss or fitness. It seems that it is the exact opposite. The closer you get to your goal, the harder it gets.
I can almost smell the goal... I can see it... but then I got a little out of control and it's like my body is throwing a coup no matter what direction I go. I have to find a new balance for everything including the additional sleep that my body is presently requiring.
The good things is that I've been here before so I can keep my head up because NOTHING is going to stop me from reaching my goal!
I can almost smell the goal... I can see it... but then I got a little out of control and it's like my body is throwing a coup no matter what direction I go. I have to find a new balance for everything including the additional sleep that my body is presently requiring.
The good things is that I've been here before so I can keep my head up because NOTHING is going to stop me from reaching my goal!
#loseatoddlerordietrying
Thursday, May 23, 2013
When Friends Attack
It is not a fun game.
So recently, I've slimmed down such that everyone that hasn't seen me on a consistent basis in the last 6 months has noted how "slim" I've gotten. I'm just about immune to the topic at this point which for me is good because I no longer wonder about what my real friends weren't telling me when I was larger or think to say anything but "thank you" and "I still have a ways to go" when they congratulate me or tell me that I've inspired them. It isn't because I'm not thankful of the compliments but because in order for me to maintain the personal-ness of this lifestyle change for me I can't allow external affirmations to make my head big becuase that would potentially lead to complacency.
Recently, I made a visit at my old job. As CeCe escorted me around seeing faces that I haven't seen in a while - some I love, some I like, some give me nightmares still...CeCe experienced the compliment train coming into the station...but apparently it stayed too long at the platform for her. By the end of the day she had wandered into a protective state of "well how big did they think you were before" mixed with anger, frustration, shock, and awe. I had to say a small prayer because at that time I think she would have clawed the next person who said anything to me about my current progress.
I think Janaan has had a similar feeling of "you better leave my friend alone" but because of her profession and natural skill - she handled it in a much healthier, reasonable manner that lead to acceptace and understanding.
I'm pretty sure my mother (who I love) wants to attack me when she thinks I'm doing anything that could hamper the progress I've made towards becoming her beautiful, slim daughter....and we aren't even friends LOL just friendly.
All in all...I'm glad people notice the progress, partly because I am a self loving person that enjoys people admiring me but the next time you go to compliment someone remember this advice:
1. Be thoughtful of your words: Even kind words can hurt if they are directed in the wrong manner - even if unintended
2. Be sincere: Because shock, jealousy and disinterest shows through easier than you think
While the only issue I have with self esteem is having too much - not everyone can say the same its then, that it matters the most.
#losingatoddlertoteachpeopletobenicer
So recently, I've slimmed down such that everyone that hasn't seen me on a consistent basis in the last 6 months has noted how "slim" I've gotten. I'm just about immune to the topic at this point which for me is good because I no longer wonder about what my real friends weren't telling me when I was larger or think to say anything but "thank you" and "I still have a ways to go" when they congratulate me or tell me that I've inspired them. It isn't because I'm not thankful of the compliments but because in order for me to maintain the personal-ness of this lifestyle change for me I can't allow external affirmations to make my head big becuase that would potentially lead to complacency.
Recently, I made a visit at my old job. As CeCe escorted me around seeing faces that I haven't seen in a while - some I love, some I like, some give me nightmares still...CeCe experienced the compliment train coming into the station...but apparently it stayed too long at the platform for her. By the end of the day she had wandered into a protective state of "well how big did they think you were before" mixed with anger, frustration, shock, and awe. I had to say a small prayer because at that time I think she would have clawed the next person who said anything to me about my current progress.
I think Janaan has had a similar feeling of "you better leave my friend alone" but because of her profession and natural skill - she handled it in a much healthier, reasonable manner that lead to acceptace and understanding.
I'm pretty sure my mother (who I love) wants to attack me when she thinks I'm doing anything that could hamper the progress I've made towards becoming her beautiful, slim daughter....and we aren't even friends LOL just friendly.
All in all...I'm glad people notice the progress, partly because I am a self loving person that enjoys people admiring me but the next time you go to compliment someone remember this advice:
1. Be thoughtful of your words: Even kind words can hurt if they are directed in the wrong manner - even if unintended
2. Be sincere: Because shock, jealousy and disinterest shows through easier than you think
While the only issue I have with self esteem is having too much - not everyone can say the same its then, that it matters the most.
#losingatoddlertoteachpeopletobenicer
Monday, May 20, 2013
On: Commitment
My weight loss strategy isn't all that groundbreaking. I reached the point where I thought I was out of control and needed to do better and I did what I needed to do: eat right and exercise. Both of these things are common for me and have been my entire life. I don't eat out much, my favorite food is broccoli and I've played sports or danced since I can remember. Honestly, my whole mantra is do better because I can't formally commit to making a lifestyle change.
Honestly, I suck at commitment but not in the way you are thinking. I suck at commitment because I'm on two opposite ends of the spectrum. In thought and speech - you would never know that until recently I was afraid of commitment like the three pigs were afraid of the big bad wolf. I've since realized (with some healthy discussions with a friend) that it isn't the commitment I'm afraid of - its the potential for failure that made me extremely adverse. I also realized that said statement isn't true in just relationships but in every aspect of my life.
My name is Maya and I'm afraid of failure.
And if anyone (women especially) knows anything about dieting, they know that failure can strike at any moment when it comes to dieting. So I decided it was best if I didn't do that becuase I wouldn't commit to making me smaller. Instead I decided to focus on that idea that life is full of choices, everything is a choice...so when I'm considering my dietary needs I ask myself - is this the best choice I can make to help me reach my desire to be smaller?
This way - it takes the failure part away becuase instead of looking at everything as a pass or fail, I can look at it as a choice I made and reflect on it to see if in the future I wanted to change my justification for said choice to become standard.
I've done the same in my dating life. I have a choice to smile or spark the conversation with the cute guy to let him know I'm interested because if he doesn't reciprocate, I didn't fail...I chose to be friendly and that makes me a better person regardless.
Hopefully, this strategy keeps working!
Honestly, I suck at commitment but not in the way you are thinking. I suck at commitment because I'm on two opposite ends of the spectrum. In thought and speech - you would never know that until recently I was afraid of commitment like the three pigs were afraid of the big bad wolf. I've since realized (with some healthy discussions with a friend) that it isn't the commitment I'm afraid of - its the potential for failure that made me extremely adverse. I also realized that said statement isn't true in just relationships but in every aspect of my life.
My name is Maya and I'm afraid of failure.
And if anyone (women especially) knows anything about dieting, they know that failure can strike at any moment when it comes to dieting. So I decided it was best if I didn't do that becuase I wouldn't commit to making me smaller. Instead I decided to focus on that idea that life is full of choices, everything is a choice...so when I'm considering my dietary needs I ask myself - is this the best choice I can make to help me reach my desire to be smaller?
This way - it takes the failure part away becuase instead of looking at everything as a pass or fail, I can look at it as a choice I made and reflect on it to see if in the future I wanted to change my justification for said choice to become standard.
I've done the same in my dating life. I have a choice to smile or spark the conversation with the cute guy to let him know I'm interested because if he doesn't reciprocate, I didn't fail...I chose to be friendly and that makes me a better person regardless.
Hopefully, this strategy keeps working!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
The scale is not my God
No - I do not support idols or worshipping material things and you shouldn't either. I believe in a living God who is able to do exceedingly and abudantly above anything that I can ask. To be honest, God has done so much for me that I've become spoiled when I don't feel like He is doing things for me. I'm Gods brat - I have expectations that He will make this life better than any life I could imagine and He hasn't failed me yet.While I interact with both everyday there are some distinct differences between the two.
Before I get started on showing the differences I will say this... I've lost 5lbs in the last week and a half and its been a hard 5lbs. The scale isn't all bad - it has kept me motivated on the journey to a better, healthier me and for that I'm thankful butttttttttt..............
my God moves the right things right when we need Him to...the scale laughs or moves in the wrong direction.
my God is awesome...the scale sucks and it rarely says the right things.
my God always answers me, I can talk to Him, I can ask for guidance, for help, for peace and for comfort.... I've been asking the scale what else I need to do since forever and it hasn't said not a single word yet.
my God gives me direction...the scale gives me stress by moving in the wrong direction.
my God in his loving grace used his power to send his only Son to save my soul...the scale sends msgs to tell me that it used all its power and needs new batteries.
I'm not going to quit either one but I'm going to ask my God to help me and the scale... to date I have a total of 35lbs lost with 30lbs left to go. My goal was to lose 15 of them by the end of May....the scale is saying that I might need to change that to the middle of June. If I'm being honest than I am down 4 sizes in dresses, 2 sizes in pants with 2 more dress sizes to go and 3 more pant sizes to go.
Butttt........ if the scale doesn't start acting right, its going to be scrap pieces.
Before I get started on showing the differences I will say this... I've lost 5lbs in the last week and a half and its been a hard 5lbs. The scale isn't all bad - it has kept me motivated on the journey to a better, healthier me and for that I'm thankful butttttttttt..............
my God moves the right things right when we need Him to...the scale laughs or moves in the wrong direction.
my God is awesome...the scale sucks and it rarely says the right things.
my God always answers me, I can talk to Him, I can ask for guidance, for help, for peace and for comfort.... I've been asking the scale what else I need to do since forever and it hasn't said not a single word yet.
my God gives me direction...the scale gives me stress by moving in the wrong direction.
my God in his loving grace used his power to send his only Son to save my soul...the scale sends msgs to tell me that it used all its power and needs new batteries.
I'm not going to quit either one but I'm going to ask my God to help me and the scale... to date I have a total of 35lbs lost with 30lbs left to go. My goal was to lose 15 of them by the end of May....the scale is saying that I might need to change that to the middle of June. If I'm being honest than I am down 4 sizes in dresses, 2 sizes in pants with 2 more dress sizes to go and 3 more pant sizes to go.
Butttt........ if the scale doesn't start acting right, its going to be scrap pieces.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Carnivores Unite!
and put down the meat to let your digestive system have a break....
anybody...anybody?
Well I decided to do this to support my face as we work towards (preferably smaller) healthier bodies. The first time I did it, it got me over a plateau that I had been struggling to beat and showed me that my carb intake was way too high. I adjusted my overall diet which helped me at least maintain my weight with a lower level of exercise and lose weight when I acted like I had a goal to reach and stopped self sabbotaging.
This week, I've added a juice substitute for breakfast (instead of cereal), the plan so far is:
Monday: Broccoli, Pear, Apple
Tuesday: Orange, Strawberry, Grape
Wednesday: Carrot, Orange, SOMETHING
Thursday: Orange, Strawberry, Grape
Friday: Broccoli, Pear, Apple
What I've noticed is that I'm not as hungry. I eat more veggies and fruits and the scale is moving in the right direction - you know, the one that makes me smaller.
I have read a few articles that say that if done the right way, giving up meat can help your weight loss efforts so while I am not trying to convince you to go vegan...a break every now and again might help your overall heatlh! But only if you promise not to become one of the pompous jerks that say things like "vegetarians tend to weigh less and be more active" or "people who eat meat are generally fatter" - to that I say forget you and the box that you are trying to constantly place people in!
anybody...anybody?
Well I decided to do this to support my face as we work towards (preferably smaller) healthier bodies. The first time I did it, it got me over a plateau that I had been struggling to beat and showed me that my carb intake was way too high. I adjusted my overall diet which helped me at least maintain my weight with a lower level of exercise and lose weight when I acted like I had a goal to reach and stopped self sabbotaging.
This week, I've added a juice substitute for breakfast (instead of cereal), the plan so far is:
Monday: Broccoli, Pear, Apple
Tuesday: Orange, Strawberry, Grape
Wednesday: Carrot, Orange, SOMETHING
Thursday: Orange, Strawberry, Grape
Friday: Broccoli, Pear, Apple
What I've noticed is that I'm not as hungry. I eat more veggies and fruits and the scale is moving in the right direction - you know, the one that makes me smaller.
I have read a few articles that say that if done the right way, giving up meat can help your weight loss efforts so while I am not trying to convince you to go vegan...a break every now and again might help your overall heatlh! But only if you promise not to become one of the pompous jerks that say things like "vegetarians tend to weigh less and be more active" or "people who eat meat are generally fatter" - to that I say forget you and the box that you are trying to constantly place people in!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
I am my hair...
and India Arie sold lies by the dozen with that song...and to this day women everywhere are lying about not being our hair. But the fact is: I am my hair and my hair is me. Just a house is still a house even if no one is there.
Your hair takes part in defining who you are and what you do, just as much as your eyes, skin color, overall size do. But what truly defines you is the level of control you give your hair (and those other things). Luckily for me, 99.9% of the women in my family live by the mantra that it is just hair and it will grow back - and they don't want that much of it anyway. And that is how I now view hair.
With that said, I am so over the marketing campaigns and nonsense spewing about how being natural is healthier and will make me more active. That is BS...and y'all need to stop the madness. The only thing stopping you from doing whatever you want is you - not your hair.
I have a JFM Kiddie Texture softner (chemical)
I workout 1-2times per day at least 5 days/week
I swim, play softball, run and sweat in my head during all of it
I haven't had a standing appt with a hair dresser in at least 5yrs.
My hair is a little stubborn - so am I
My hair is resilient - so am I
My hair can be protected, rebuilt and trained... well, 2 out of 3 isn't bad
So while I am my hair, my hair does not define me, my physical health or dictate my participation in anything. My hair does allow me to outwardly express my definition of beauty, creativity and style. My hair is a symbol of who I am - heck, my parents don't recognize me with straight hair (its always big and curly).
Feel free to build whatever marketing campaign you wish but it would go alot further if you focused on selling your product instead of focusing on making me seem like less of a whole woman. Ladies, be your hair - be it natural, be it straight, be it curly or hand-made...but know that what you and your hair do and are together should be part of the larger picture of you and whatever your lifestyle is.
Your hair takes part in defining who you are and what you do, just as much as your eyes, skin color, overall size do. But what truly defines you is the level of control you give your hair (and those other things). Luckily for me, 99.9% of the women in my family live by the mantra that it is just hair and it will grow back - and they don't want that much of it anyway. And that is how I now view hair.
With that said, I am so over the marketing campaigns and nonsense spewing about how being natural is healthier and will make me more active. That is BS...and y'all need to stop the madness. The only thing stopping you from doing whatever you want is you - not your hair.
I have a JFM Kiddie Texture softner (chemical)
I workout 1-2times per day at least 5 days/week
I swim, play softball, run and sweat in my head during all of it
I haven't had a standing appt with a hair dresser in at least 5yrs.
My hair is a little stubborn - so am I
My hair is resilient - so am I
My hair can be protected, rebuilt and trained... well, 2 out of 3 isn't bad
So while I am my hair, my hair does not define me, my physical health or dictate my participation in anything. My hair does allow me to outwardly express my definition of beauty, creativity and style. My hair is a symbol of who I am - heck, my parents don't recognize me with straight hair (its always big and curly).
Feel free to build whatever marketing campaign you wish but it would go alot further if you focused on selling your product instead of focusing on making me seem like less of a whole woman. Ladies, be your hair - be it natural, be it straight, be it curly or hand-made...but know that what you and your hair do and are together should be part of the larger picture of you and whatever your lifestyle is.
Friday, May 10, 2013
My 2pack...
No, I did not get got or get cheap and try to buy two beers out of a 6pack - although that would be funny. I'm talking about my abs.
Truth: We all have a 6pack...
Mine has spent a good bit of my life wrapped in blankets of comfort. But that is changing! I now have a 2pack. It is sorta defined depending on the day. I am soooooo excited about it. I can't wait until it is forreal forreal a 2pack.
Forreal you say...
Well right now, my 2pack is only at the top to the middle. I am working on getting it to be defined the entire way down. The only way to do that is to reduce the fat layers on top of it and making the ab muscle stronger/bigger. Which means continuing to reduce my overall body fat and working out the muscle that stops me from laughing at funny jokes.
Or maybe I should keep laughing despite the pain because it burns calories...and maybe my asthma induced steroid usage along with my workouts and reduced caloric intake will help me get there sooner. I guess I'll have to keep working out to see!
Truth: We all have a 6pack...
Mine has spent a good bit of my life wrapped in blankets of comfort. But that is changing! I now have a 2pack. It is sorta defined depending on the day. I am soooooo excited about it. I can't wait until it is forreal forreal a 2pack.
Forreal you say...
Well right now, my 2pack is only at the top to the middle. I am working on getting it to be defined the entire way down. The only way to do that is to reduce the fat layers on top of it and making the ab muscle stronger/bigger. Which means continuing to reduce my overall body fat and working out the muscle that stops me from laughing at funny jokes.
Or maybe I should keep laughing despite the pain because it burns calories...and maybe my asthma induced steroid usage along with my workouts and reduced caloric intake will help me get there sooner. I guess I'll have to keep working out to see!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Big Girl Games...
I bet you didn't know they existed... just like no one knew about the reindeer games until Rudolph couldn't play. There are some games that only an exceptional few - ever more increasing, get to play. I will admit that some of these all women play but they are played more frequently than the general population
52 Fake Out: In which you put together your wardrobe selection in hopes to create an optical illusion of skinny.
Front View, Side View: Kinda like red light. green light but instead of being played with peers, its played with a mirror in which you hope that the front view and side view are on good speaking terms and make for a decent outfit.
Name That Food: This one is played mainly at restaurants so you can explain to the world that you eat healthy food options more than unhealthy ones. You can just blurt out the amount of salad and fruit you've been eating or how infrequently you eat the fattening stuff everyone is salvating over.
Sweat That: This one is involuntary for most...but you start sweating at the drop of excitement...any time the temperature goes about 68.5 degrees F. No I am not happy to see you...I'm HOT!
Oh yeah...there are songs too....
I Wish...You remember the song "I was a little bit taller, I was I was a baller..." but change it to I wish I was a little bit taller (who doesn't want to be taller), I was I was smaller, I wish I could hide this fat in a bat...
All jokes aside, sometimes I'm very sensitive about this area of my life...who am I kidding. I am always sensitive and even with the progress I've seen and the progress others see I still feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm not close to being there. It's just that most times my self-esteem is in high gear to make me say whatever...but on those days when its not - I cry.
52 Fake Out: In which you put together your wardrobe selection in hopes to create an optical illusion of skinny.
Front View, Side View: Kinda like red light. green light but instead of being played with peers, its played with a mirror in which you hope that the front view and side view are on good speaking terms and make for a decent outfit.
Name That Food: This one is played mainly at restaurants so you can explain to the world that you eat healthy food options more than unhealthy ones. You can just blurt out the amount of salad and fruit you've been eating or how infrequently you eat the fattening stuff everyone is salvating over.
Sweat That: This one is involuntary for most...but you start sweating at the drop of excitement...any time the temperature goes about 68.5 degrees F. No I am not happy to see you...I'm HOT!
Oh yeah...there are songs too....
I Wish...You remember the song "I was a little bit taller, I was I was a baller..." but change it to I wish I was a little bit taller (who doesn't want to be taller), I was I was smaller, I wish I could hide this fat in a bat...
All jokes aside, sometimes I'm very sensitive about this area of my life...who am I kidding. I am always sensitive and even with the progress I've seen and the progress others see I still feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm not close to being there. It's just that most times my self-esteem is in high gear to make me say whatever...but on those days when its not - I cry.
MAEL: Minimally Accepted Exertion Level
Apparently, I am not doing enough. No matter how hard I try, not matter how long I hide my inhaler, no matter how much progress I make...I am the fitness minimum. It does nothing for my confidence, something so special for my level of forreal-dom and almost makes me want to cry that people use me and what I can do as the minimum level of what should be being done in group fitness settings.
Yesterday; at total body fitness- jump squats section, a certain someone went to use the lower stair section of the bleechers..the exchange went something like this:
Person: *walking towards stairs*
Trainer: where are you going?
Person: (at stairs) *blank stare blink*
Trainer: if anyone should be using the stairs, it's Maya and she hasn't moved
I know I'm not small, I get it, I've accepted it. I sweat easily and plentifully - I know it, it happens even during activities that I enjoy and when I'm not that tired or exerted. It is spring and my lungs have decided to minimize capacity so yes I might take my inhaler during the workout...but for the life of me I don't know why I always have to be the minimally accepted exertion level.
I push myself as hard as the next person, if not harder. Somtimes I slack off but I don't understand why this label is following me around. I guess this should motivate me to work harder but really it just makes me want to sit in a room alone and cry.
Yesterday; at total body fitness- jump squats section, a certain someone went to use the lower stair section of the bleechers..the exchange went something like this:
Person: *walking towards stairs*
Trainer: where are you going?
Person: (at stairs) *blank stare blink*
Trainer: if anyone should be using the stairs, it's Maya and she hasn't moved
I know I'm not small, I get it, I've accepted it. I sweat easily and plentifully - I know it, it happens even during activities that I enjoy and when I'm not that tired or exerted. It is spring and my lungs have decided to minimize capacity so yes I might take my inhaler during the workout...but for the life of me I don't know why I always have to be the minimally accepted exertion level.
I push myself as hard as the next person, if not harder. Somtimes I slack off but I don't understand why this label is following me around. I guess this should motivate me to work harder but really it just makes me want to sit in a room alone and cry.
Monday, May 6, 2013
I'm ready for love...
Put me on repeat and turn the volume up because "I am ready for love" - sorta like the song from India Arie
I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity
and I don't want just any kind of love, I want...100% unconditional, fairytale story ending, put my love on top kind of love! While a little scary, I am totally ready to be help captive by love...and I want love everywhere: in my love life, in my personal (self image) life - everywhere.
Just yesterday I made another proclamation that I am ready to meet my husband tomorrow- yes that means today, we should be meeting today if my proclamation is going to stand the test of time. My homie KP asked me if I was really ready to turn over my freedom that fast and I can wholeheartedly say that I am - for the right man.
I know I already love me but I want to love me and all that I am. While me and my side stomachs have become homies, I really don't love her and I don't want to. I really want her to go away so I can love my mid-section. I also want less thigh to love...right now I feel like its too much thigh and not enough love. We two have grown accustomed to one another but I'm tired of them cursing at me like I just have to take it.
Tonight I start doing the Total Body workout twice a week. It is at church so while I'm trying to not die - I get to think about the wonderful joy and blessing that Jesus Christ died for my sins and try not to curse all those chips and nonsense I was eating and loving when I should have been eating salads.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Un-Documenated Fat
sort of like the INS does - I look at my body as a mass of area with defined borders. Anything that crosses those borders should be documented and approved. Unfortunately - I discovered that I have had a breach of security!
During my investigation, I've discovered a few GAPING holes in my security practices.
1. While we only have 1 point of entry for this documented fat - it has been breached continuously but after careful analysis it was determined that these breaches happened during specific command post. Officers Sleepy, Cranky and Moody will approve almost all requests despite established protocol. They have been placed on probation where they will go through extensive training and re-programming to minimize future breaches.
2. Apparently, our drills (workouts) that are meant to elimiate these breaching parties are not always effective. While they minimize new breaches, they are not continuously forcing those already established out of their hiding. We will be re-visiting our drills and monitoring for effectiveness and efficiency. With the proper steps - we should be able to ramp up our efforts.
The good news is that while we still have undocumented fat - we do have muscle forces that are working hard to outshine them resulting in an improving figure. At this time we do not think it is necessary to call in additional forces/backup but we will continue to monitor this situation closely.
During my investigation, I've discovered a few GAPING holes in my security practices.
1. While we only have 1 point of entry for this documented fat - it has been breached continuously but after careful analysis it was determined that these breaches happened during specific command post. Officers Sleepy, Cranky and Moody will approve almost all requests despite established protocol. They have been placed on probation where they will go through extensive training and re-programming to minimize future breaches.
2. Apparently, our drills (workouts) that are meant to elimiate these breaching parties are not always effective. While they minimize new breaches, they are not continuously forcing those already established out of their hiding. We will be re-visiting our drills and monitoring for effectiveness and efficiency. With the proper steps - we should be able to ramp up our efforts.
The good news is that while we still have undocumented fat - we do have muscle forces that are working hard to outshine them resulting in an improving figure. At this time we do not think it is necessary to call in additional forces/backup but we will continue to monitor this situation closely.
Please...no pictures!
yeah...cause the paparrazi are following me around like crazy. LOL HA!
I was talking to my homie Lay about our goals - he is working to finish losing his toddler as I re-start my efforts to losing my second. I'm proud of his dedication and his progress but there is part of me that is screaming "SO WHAT!" because at the end of the day, he is a man and will probably lose the rest of his toddler in one jog and good poop while I workout 10 times a week and eat nothing but fruits and veggies.
While we were talking though - he brought up that he was keeping a photo journal of his progress. That made me think and soon realize that the last thing I want is photo proof of this extra body I'm walking around with. I've never been one to take pictures but I especially don't want memories of side stomachs and flabby arms.
I track my progress in clothes. I have inspiration clothes that help me to see how far I've come and how much more I have to go. Some of my inspirations have become normal wardrobe...and some I've had to donate because they are now too big.
So no... I'll pass on the pictures for now. I might change my mind once I get my two pack beach ready and get my thunder thighs (thanks dad!) down to a light drizzle.
I was talking to my homie Lay about our goals - he is working to finish losing his toddler as I re-start my efforts to losing my second. I'm proud of his dedication and his progress but there is part of me that is screaming "SO WHAT!" because at the end of the day, he is a man and will probably lose the rest of his toddler in one jog and good poop while I workout 10 times a week and eat nothing but fruits and veggies.
While we were talking though - he brought up that he was keeping a photo journal of his progress. That made me think and soon realize that the last thing I want is photo proof of this extra body I'm walking around with. I've never been one to take pictures but I especially don't want memories of side stomachs and flabby arms.
I track my progress in clothes. I have inspiration clothes that help me to see how far I've come and how much more I have to go. Some of my inspirations have become normal wardrobe...and some I've had to donate because they are now too big.
So no... I'll pass on the pictures for now. I might change my mind once I get my two pack beach ready and get my thunder thighs (thanks dad!) down to a light drizzle.
Friday, April 26, 2013
6 months from now...
Given all the "fun" that is considered my life right now, CeCe says...think about 6 months from now.
Problem is...I can't envision 6 months from now. I can barely envision 6 mins from now which is not normal for me. Usually I can analyze and see everything from once upon a time to happily ever after...usually I can envision the end result so clear that it feels like I can reach out and touch it but for some reason, I am stuck in the "right now".
But let's see if I can "talk" myself into 6 months...
By the end of May (1 Month): my goal is to be 17lbs lighter. I was well on my way to this goal with my last diet jump start buttttt that kinda got derailed by pms
By the end of June/early July I want to be in a new weight class. Maybe I will have a two pack and be able to wear shorts that aren't athletic outside of the house.
In August I'm going to Jamaica (by any means necessary) - I don't want to be the fat girl on the trip which puts a lot of pressure because some of those going like Pep and Drow are in the size 0-4, 5'4 group so I'm automatically going to look like a giant.
At the end of the day...in 6 mins or 6 months I'm going to have to put on my big girl panties, make some adult like decisions, keep my faith in God that everything will work out for my good and push forward remembering that I am my worst enemy and He is my best friend and helping towards His goals for my life.
So here I am 6mins from before...rejuvenated and motivated to make it to 6months from now where I will be stronger, better, wiser and thinner than I am today!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Bad choices...
I've made and apparently continue to make a lot of bad choices in my life. Not because I'm a glutton for punishment but moreso because I don't realize it wasn't a good choice until after the fact and because I need help but generally don't know where to turn when it matters most. My support system is good but there is something inside of me that thinks I can do this on my own.
The same goes for my diet/workout efforts. I make bad choices... sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Yesterday when I ate those chips and then followed up it with pretzels, I knew it was a bad choice (I should have had an apple or water). Last week when I went to Legal Seafood with my aunt and parents and had shrimp dumplings and broccoli and a sampling of their appetizers/food...I thought I was making good choices - until the scale showed me otherwise.
All that to say is I wish I could make up for my bad life choices as easily as I can make up for my bad diet/workout efforts. I honestly wish that someone convincing me to workout a little harder had the same affect on the extra stress and chaos in my life as it does on the number on the scale.
Right now I'm not just fighting the scale, I'm fighting my mind, body and soul to make changes that are not happening overnight, to not give up on this part of my life just because the rest of it seems to be falling to pieces and to continue to think I'm worth it because deep down inside I know I am.
Today I made the choice to keep fighting at least from my diet aspect...unfortunately, I think I'm running out of fight for the other parts of my life. My only motivator in not letting the stress take over me right now is the commercial with the man yelling at me telling me that stress causes body fat...and I don't have any Relacor.
The same goes for my diet/workout efforts. I make bad choices... sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Yesterday when I ate those chips and then followed up it with pretzels, I knew it was a bad choice (I should have had an apple or water). Last week when I went to Legal Seafood with my aunt and parents and had shrimp dumplings and broccoli and a sampling of their appetizers/food...I thought I was making good choices - until the scale showed me otherwise.
All that to say is I wish I could make up for my bad life choices as easily as I can make up for my bad diet/workout efforts. I honestly wish that someone convincing me to workout a little harder had the same affect on the extra stress and chaos in my life as it does on the number on the scale.
Right now I'm not just fighting the scale, I'm fighting my mind, body and soul to make changes that are not happening overnight, to not give up on this part of my life just because the rest of it seems to be falling to pieces and to continue to think I'm worth it because deep down inside I know I am.
Today I made the choice to keep fighting at least from my diet aspect...unfortunately, I think I'm running out of fight for the other parts of my life. My only motivator in not letting the stress take over me right now is the commercial with the man yelling at me telling me that stress causes body fat...and I don't have any Relacor.
Monday, April 22, 2013
I've got the golden ticket!
*whistles* I've got the golden tickeetttttttt!
and it officially got me over the plateau and back to losing weight again!
I jump started my efforts by cutting out meet for a week (I only made it 4 days) which in turn increased my vegetable intake. Primarily because soon after I didn't have meat as an option, I realized I eat a LOT of carbs - so I tried to curb those too.
Then I changed my workout plan. I was (and still am) doing two a days but what I wasn't doing as much was running. I cut back on running because when I started the two a days my body couldn't handle both. So now, I've re-incorporated at least 3 days of running back into my routine.
New schedule:
Sunday am: Rest
Sunday pm: 10min Fat Blasting Intervals
Monday am: 20mins Stationary bike
Monday pm: Zumba Medium Intensity 45mins (in May - Total Body Workout)
Tuesday am: 20min workout - Lean Body Sculp and Belly Fat Burners
Tuesday pm: 2 mile run and 10mins Fat Blasting Intervals
Weds am: Zumba High Intensity 20mins
Weds pm: Rest
Thurs am: 20mins Stationary bike
Thurs pm: Total Body Workout
Friday am: 2 mile run and 10min Belly Fat Burners
Friday pm: Rest
Sat am: 10mins Stationary bike & 2 mile run/walk
Sat pm: Rest
My new smaller subset goal is 17lbs by the end of May...and then we have to add Softball practice into this schedule. Next stop...sexyville!
and it officially got me over the plateau and back to losing weight again!
I jump started my efforts by cutting out meet for a week (I only made it 4 days) which in turn increased my vegetable intake. Primarily because soon after I didn't have meat as an option, I realized I eat a LOT of carbs - so I tried to curb those too.
Then I changed my workout plan. I was (and still am) doing two a days but what I wasn't doing as much was running. I cut back on running because when I started the two a days my body couldn't handle both. So now, I've re-incorporated at least 3 days of running back into my routine.
New schedule:
Sunday am: Rest
Sunday pm: 10min Fat Blasting Intervals
Monday am: 20mins Stationary bike
Monday pm: Zumba Medium Intensity 45mins (in May - Total Body Workout)
Tuesday am: 20min workout - Lean Body Sculp and Belly Fat Burners
Tuesday pm: 2 mile run and 10mins Fat Blasting Intervals
Weds am: Zumba High Intensity 20mins
Weds pm: Rest
Thurs am: 20mins Stationary bike
Thurs pm: Total Body Workout
Friday am: 2 mile run and 10min Belly Fat Burners
Friday pm: Rest
Sat am: 10mins Stationary bike & 2 mile run/walk
Sat pm: Rest
My new smaller subset goal is 17lbs by the end of May...and then we have to add Softball practice into this schedule. Next stop...sexyville!
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Really???
Like forreal? How do you know for sure? Who told you? What made you believe them? Why should I believe you? How will I know? Really?
Are all questions that I ask myself and that little voice inside my head that convinces me that running 2miles on the treadmill is enough.
Sure, I know it is better than not working out and of course I know its better than I did this morning and the last time I tried to run cause I did 2 miles and yeah it seems like I should get extra credit for running without optimal lung capacity BUT is it really enough?
I used to see results, the scale used to move, my body got smaller than it was but that doesn't confirm anything more for me than thinking I found waldo in a candy cane store. I feel the same way about working out twice in a day... other than more muscle pain, I'm not sure its worth the effort.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Part time vegetarian
Because being a full time veggie head is too much commitment and I like chicken! Now mind you, I only eat chicken, turkey and seafood. Some already classify me as a vegetarian but I don't....except this week. And one week a month for a while.
I started this to help support Brielle and in some ways to cleanse. What I've learned so far is I live a carb heavy life. So on day two of my weeks journey...I'm really trying to monitor my carb intake. I think I made progress.
As a backup reward, I've saved money from not eating out and have managed to prepare my lunch in advance - which still has not helped me get out of the house any earlier for work. Good thing that wasn't the goal!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
My lungs, your habits
For the record...and anyone who truly knows me can verify that I am a board certified, physician approved, card carrying, badge wearing, secret hand shaking having non breather. This isn't a role a play on tv, we are not a part of a bad reality series and no that nebulizer is not for dramatic effect.
On a good day my lung capacity is in the yellow zone...and I mean, that's when I'm feeling good. I don't remember the last time I tested in the green zone. My asthma is environmentally, allergy, stress and exercise induced. You know what that means...I am not as prone to have an asthma attack when I'm in a relaxed environment that has loy humidity, no smog, no pollen (plant life) where I'm not doing anything.
Despite this, I do not force my lung induced bubble on the rest of the world. Not because I'm kind becaue the reality is that most people wouldn't survive 10mins following the restrictions I'm supposed to follow or adjusting to diminished breathing while maintaining a normal life style.
I don't do it because I don't want it done to me... for the life of me! I cannot understand if we are not on the elevator at the same time why I have to taste you cologne or perfume, or why you think its a good idea to spray enough lysol to disinfect a small village in Africa (and by small, I mean large), or what possessed me (yes me) to leave my windows open in the spring or why I have to get a contact high from waking past you right after I get off the treadmill... I'm just saying...Can I Live! And enjoy my post-workout glow :-)
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Steroids
It seems that we all know someone who is, was or might be on steroids... heck, if you look at the news there are only like 4 athletes that aren't on "performance enhancing drugs"
but as for me and my households...I don't want them!
I have been on steroids every spring since moving to Atlanta because my sometimes exercise or stress induced asthma is also allergy induced. GRRRR!!!!
While athletes might be dying to have a doctor knowingly and encouragingly supply steroids...I DON'T LIKE IT. In real life on steroids...you don't bulk up in that one area that was your weakness - you get bigger everywhere and your appetite increases and you eat more and I don't have a personal trainer and the ability to workout for 6hours a day because it is my job to be fit.
Being on steroids for me means potentially gaining back the 30lbs that I worked hard to lose, it means having to work harder than 2 a days to lose 3lbs in a week...sure it means being able to function because I can actually breathe but it isn't worth it. So I cower in doors in hopes to not have the pollen inflame my lungs, co-washing, washing or just rinsing my hair every other day and lots of prayer.
vent over....
but as for me and my households...I don't want them!
I have been on steroids every spring since moving to Atlanta because my sometimes exercise or stress induced asthma is also allergy induced. GRRRR!!!!
While athletes might be dying to have a doctor knowingly and encouragingly supply steroids...I DON'T LIKE IT. In real life on steroids...you don't bulk up in that one area that was your weakness - you get bigger everywhere and your appetite increases and you eat more and I don't have a personal trainer and the ability to workout for 6hours a day because it is my job to be fit.
Being on steroids for me means potentially gaining back the 30lbs that I worked hard to lose, it means having to work harder than 2 a days to lose 3lbs in a week...sure it means being able to function because I can actually breathe but it isn't worth it. So I cower in doors in hopes to not have the pollen inflame my lungs, co-washing, washing or just rinsing my hair every other day and lots of prayer.
vent over....
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Bandwagon Fan
I confess! Usually I'm all about not being a bandwagon fan - I almost despise these types of fans because I'm a Hometown Team supporter through the good and the bad...and there has been plenty of bad. This weekend I jumped on a bandwagon of a team during the DII Championship game because they shared the mascot my undergrad school and the colors of my grad school....and WE WON! I did a dance and cheered like I did 4yrs and an internship in Springfield, Missouri.
It was a great time, the only problem is I didn't jump back onto the workout bandwagon. Last week I worked out twice because my body was under its monthly attack. I tried to push through it but every inch of me said no. This week, I'm fighting early onset extreme allergies since spring showed up on Friday. What makes it so bad is that I'm finally getting my eating habits back in line and my workout regimen falls off.
So far, I missed my Sunday workout.... I did manage to to my Monday morning workout. Monday evening was a different story. I opted for sleep. I did get up today and do part of my Monday evening and my Tuesday morning workout. My plan tonight is to do my evening Zumba and the two mile run I missed yesterday. I still need to get in one more 10min workout...I think I will leave that for Thursday morning.
My hope is that I'll jump back on the workout bandwagon immediately!
It was a great time, the only problem is I didn't jump back onto the workout bandwagon. Last week I worked out twice because my body was under its monthly attack. I tried to push through it but every inch of me said no. This week, I'm fighting early onset extreme allergies since spring showed up on Friday. What makes it so bad is that I'm finally getting my eating habits back in line and my workout regimen falls off.
So far, I missed my Sunday workout.... I did manage to to my Monday morning workout. Monday evening was a different story. I opted for sleep. I did get up today and do part of my Monday evening and my Tuesday morning workout. My plan tonight is to do my evening Zumba and the two mile run I missed yesterday. I still need to get in one more 10min workout...I think I will leave that for Thursday morning.
My hope is that I'll jump back on the workout bandwagon immediately!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Saturday Love....
My body has a Cherelle "Saturday Love" on what it should have to do to lose weight successfully...
Never on Sunday
Monday is too soon
Tuesday and Wedsnesday just won't do
Thursday and Friday the weekend begins
But a Saturday love, will never end!
Now that I'm back to being normal after a week out of commission, I need to find a new song to identify with.
Never on Sunday
Monday is too soon
Tuesday and Wedsnesday just won't do
Thursday and Friday the weekend begins
But a Saturday love, will never end!
Now that I'm back to being normal after a week out of commission, I need to find a new song to identify with.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Made in Vietnam
This might be the end of diplomatic unity but I don't like my clothes being made in Vietnam. Not because I'm a horrible people hater but because I'm 93.7% sure that my clothes have gotten smaller since their manufacturing process moved from China and Indonesia - and it is not because I've magically become skinny.
Honestly, there is no reason why I should have to go up a size because your plant moved. Does 1in not equal 1in consistently around the globe? A yard is a yard, a meter is a meter and I shouldn't have to feel like I'm fighting a downhill battle.
It is bad enough that western society is trying to soothe the self esteem of larger people by changing the sizing system...I'm sorry but at no point does a size 22 = a size 2. If you are that sensitive about the number, do something about it...like exercise or change your eating habits.
Say whatever it is that you may but I've worked hard to get back down to a 14/16 and I'm proud of it. I don't want to pretend that I wear a size 1 and I don't want to have to buy an 18 because you want higher profit margins!
Honestly, there is no reason why I should have to go up a size because your plant moved. Does 1in not equal 1in consistently around the globe? A yard is a yard, a meter is a meter and I shouldn't have to feel like I'm fighting a downhill battle.
It is bad enough that western society is trying to soothe the self esteem of larger people by changing the sizing system...I'm sorry but at no point does a size 22 = a size 2. If you are that sensitive about the number, do something about it...like exercise or change your eating habits.
Say whatever it is that you may but I've worked hard to get back down to a 14/16 and I'm proud of it. I don't want to pretend that I wear a size 1 and I don't want to have to buy an 18 because you want higher profit margins!
I wear a:
8/20+ in Vietnam
16/18 in Indonesia
14/16 in China
16 in pants
14 in dresses
8.5 in shoes
2-5 in socks
Its called a:
16 in US
33 in UK
2 in Target
XL in Old Navy
M/L or L/XL in Loft
Can someone please tell me why I need an advanced degree to buy clothes?!
Sincerly,
The girl who wants her fabric back!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
To be or not to be...
Whether tis nobler to be fat and happy or skinny and irritated. That is the question.
I ask myself this every time I read my workout schedule and it isn't a rest night...and every time I see that 10min workout section on the workout because 10mins still should not hurt that bad...and every time I think about what working out is going to do to my hair....and every time I have to convince myself that sleeping is not the better alternative.
I'm still working on asking myself when I eat though, which I feel is a problem. My last trainer and every other fit guru always says you can't outtrain a bad diet. My diet isn't bad but I have a small problem with sodium - I love it and it loves the weight. I realized that is my problem when I can drop 6lbs on the scale from a good sweat and minimal water intake. My worst friend = water retention. It is apparent in my clothing sizes and from people who see me that I'm getting smaller, but seriously, I want the scale to go down.
All that said, my normal diet isn't really the problem...the problem is my cravings. I go hard on cravings once a month and it does damage like no other. I'm also a closet eater which is all types of bad since I live alone.
I'm going to go back to calorie counting in hopes to get this under real control soon. I have a life to get sexy for!
I ask myself this every time I read my workout schedule and it isn't a rest night...and every time I see that 10min workout section on the workout because 10mins still should not hurt that bad...and every time I think about what working out is going to do to my hair....and every time I have to convince myself that sleeping is not the better alternative.
I'm still working on asking myself when I eat though, which I feel is a problem. My last trainer and every other fit guru always says you can't outtrain a bad diet. My diet isn't bad but I have a small problem with sodium - I love it and it loves the weight. I realized that is my problem when I can drop 6lbs on the scale from a good sweat and minimal water intake. My worst friend = water retention. It is apparent in my clothing sizes and from people who see me that I'm getting smaller, but seriously, I want the scale to go down.
All that said, my normal diet isn't really the problem...the problem is my cravings. I go hard on cravings once a month and it does damage like no other. I'm also a closet eater which is all types of bad since I live alone.
I'm going to go back to calorie counting in hopes to get this under real control soon. I have a life to get sexy for!
Friday, March 22, 2013
Anything you can do, I can do better!
I can do anything better than you!
Aside from this being the chorus of one of my favorite Christian Rap songs...I'm now competing against myself and I refuse to lose!
Just to prove I'm serious...and since I needed to finalize my revisions here is my new workout schedule:
Monday AM: Zumba Medium Intensity (am) 10 Minute and 2 mile run
Monday PM: Pilates and Yoga dvd
Tuesday AM: 10 Minute Solution Latin Dance
Tuesday PM: Zumba High Intensity
Wednesday AM: 20min Stationary bike
Wednesday PM: Rest
Thursday AM: Zumba Medium Intensity
Thursday PM: Total Body workout
Friday - 3.1 mile walk run and upper body weights
Saturday - 30min stationary bike and Pilates
Sunday - Rest
------
Yesterday I seriously considered giving up eating because working out this hard is overrated. Next I think I'm going to sign up for a 5 or 10k in April or May.
This is not a game!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Lose a Toddler or Die Trying
First off.. To date my official progress is 26lbs. I actually lost 33lbs but then back tracked because of vacation and reckless abandonment of my eating habits in exchange for fun. I'm pretty sure I'm down 2 dress sizes. I'm fitting pants that I wore during my second skinniest year in college when I gained 15lbs so my family wouldn't admit me for fear that I developed an addiction or habit. My side stomachs and back fat are noticably smaller and I got my two pack back!
I'm happy about the progress I've made...but I don't feel any closer to the initial weight that the doctor told me I should try for. and somehow, I convinced myself that I should at least try to lose 60 more pounds for my ideal size. My new goal is another toddler (30lbs) by July.
While I haven't figured out where I'm going to lose it from, I think I might lose my mind before then.
This is how it all started...
I decided I needed to lose weight, Janaan decided to be supportive so we started running, I quit running, Janaan got a new job and started working out different times and ways, I started running again, I'm not almost to my goal weight but as we see here: http://findingjanaan.blogspot.com/ Janaan is and she looks great! She never looked bad to begin with and even after have two kids was still smaller than me but I still feel like I needed to step my game up since she stepped hers up for an upcoming vacay.
I was just running - for two months she has been doing a two a day plan outlined by her hubby created. So in an act of humilty, I admitted to myself that my running plan just wasn't doing enough so I added her workout regimen to my running plan but....
IT HURTS.... in places that I didn't know it could hurt. I don't even know why a 10 minute workout would feel that way ever, under any circumstance. I am only on day 4...and I hurt more than when the running team ran my route and somehow tricked my mind into running a 10 minute mile with no prior training (I usually run a 13-15mile). The crazy part is right now, it's really just doing Zumba twice a day... and a little pilates to help with my core.
Now all I have to do is get my 2mile a day 5 days a week running min back into this routine - so far I've only managed to do 2 days...1 running and 1 on the bike.
I might need a new title: Lose a Toddler or Die Trying
I'm happy about the progress I've made...but I don't feel any closer to the initial weight that the doctor told me I should try for. and somehow, I convinced myself that I should at least try to lose 60 more pounds for my ideal size. My new goal is another toddler (30lbs) by July.
While I haven't figured out where I'm going to lose it from, I think I might lose my mind before then.
This is how it all started...
I decided I needed to lose weight, Janaan decided to be supportive so we started running, I quit running, Janaan got a new job and started working out different times and ways, I started running again, I'm not almost to my goal weight but as we see here: http://findingjanaan.blogspot.com/ Janaan is and she looks great! She never looked bad to begin with and even after have two kids was still smaller than me but I still feel like I needed to step my game up since she stepped hers up for an upcoming vacay.
I was just running - for two months she has been doing a two a day plan outlined by her hubby created. So in an act of humilty, I admitted to myself that my running plan just wasn't doing enough so I added her workout regimen to my running plan but....
IT HURTS.... in places that I didn't know it could hurt. I don't even know why a 10 minute workout would feel that way ever, under any circumstance. I am only on day 4...and I hurt more than when the running team ran my route and somehow tricked my mind into running a 10 minute mile with no prior training (I usually run a 13-15mile). The crazy part is right now, it's really just doing Zumba twice a day... and a little pilates to help with my core.
Now all I have to do is get my 2mile a day 5 days a week running min back into this routine - so far I've only managed to do 2 days...1 running and 1 on the bike.
I might need a new title: Lose a Toddler or Die Trying
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Stop Watching Me!
I always feel like somebody is watching me, judging me, teasing me, taunting me. Not in a I'm being stalked 24hrs a day or my chuckie doll won't stop showing up kinda way though. And this is totally unrelated to my ability to garner positive attention when I go out. I really only feel that way when I'm working out and when I'm eating. I know it is irrational but I can't stop feeling that way.
At the gym, the little voice inside me tells me that everyone thinks the fat girl is gonna tap out after 30 seconds. Or that the skinny people are taunting me when they choose the same machine I'm on. Or that no one would ever believe that this wasn't a new years resolution that I'm barely holding onto but my normal workout routine when I'm not traveling.
When I'm eating homemade leftovers and people say it smells good - I hear...ohh figures she can cook given her size. Or comments about how I clearly don't eat salads often on the days I have salad. I get offended when the people at the drive thru ask me if I want to up size or add dessert.
It makes me want to yell at people... or wear shirts and buttons that say things related to how much I workout and that my bp is extremely good...but I know it is irrational so I bottle it up for future treadmill motivation.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
A better me!
In general I'm working on being a better person...aren't we all?
I want to be a better friend, a better godmother, a better aunt, a better woman, employee, daughter, sister...but most important of all, a better ME!
The first step in that was cleaning out all the crap. I had to take the time to rid my life of the things that were polluting my life and my soul. That is when I decided I needed to lose weight. Primarily because in de-cluttering my life, I wanted to declutter my closet and that meant putting timelines on clothes that I loved but couldn't fit anymore.
The second step was identifying and/or affirming the things I stood for. I had to do this in order to recalibrate my decision making and affiliations. This is when I decided that at minimum, I wanted to lose a toddler. Not just because my doctor called me fat and my clothes weren't fitting but also because I decided that I want to lead a healthy AND active lifestyle. I also want to attract a man that wants the same and my extra pudge is not conveying that message.
The third step was defining my support system. While I can be over the top with everything...I'm also good at quitting.I didn't want the option to quit on me I don't have the option to quit on me. So I got some accountability partners...not just for exercise but for those things that I really want to make a change on but need a little extra help sometimes. People who will tell me I'm out of control or I need to make sure I run or ask me if I really think the foolishness I'm doing is a good thing.
The final step is to start again every day. Because if each day is the first day to making a change in my life, I never have to worry about what I did yesterday or what I will do tomorrow and that keeps me focused on what I can change and control. My choices today are for today based on today because calories don't wait til tomorrow to add that pound and yesterdays workout isn't burning calories for today. There is no pressure for what might...
Besides a month of good todays is better than I'm going to do better tomorrows.
I want to be a better friend, a better godmother, a better aunt, a better woman, employee, daughter, sister...but most important of all, a better ME!
The first step in that was cleaning out all the crap. I had to take the time to rid my life of the things that were polluting my life and my soul. That is when I decided I needed to lose weight. Primarily because in de-cluttering my life, I wanted to declutter my closet and that meant putting timelines on clothes that I loved but couldn't fit anymore.
The second step was identifying and/or affirming the things I stood for. I had to do this in order to recalibrate my decision making and affiliations. This is when I decided that at minimum, I wanted to lose a toddler. Not just because my doctor called me fat and my clothes weren't fitting but also because I decided that I want to lead a healthy AND active lifestyle. I also want to attract a man that wants the same and my extra pudge is not conveying that message.
The third step was defining my support system. While I can be over the top with everything...I'm also good at quitting.
The final step is to start again every day. Because if each day is the first day to making a change in my life, I never have to worry about what I did yesterday or what I will do tomorrow and that keeps me focused on what I can change and control. My choices today are for today based on today because calories don't wait til tomorrow to add that pound and yesterdays workout isn't burning calories for today. There is no pressure for what might...
Besides a month of good todays is better than I'm going to do better tomorrows.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Phillippians 4:13
"For I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me"
I've come to the realization that like everything else in my life, in order to lose the rest of this weight...I'm going to need Christ to strengthen, guide, and protect me... strengthen my mind to continue thinking this is the right thing to do, guide my body to the gym, and protect me from the high calorie foods I love that is...
Some people think I enjoy working out - they hear my regimen and automatically assume that this is the lifestyle I want to live. That couldn't be further from the truth. While I enjoy doing stuff and being active...I don't want to have to workout. Nothing about working hard and sweating my hair out for a 30-45min workout twice a day without instant gratification is my idea of fun. So now when I run, I listen to Christian Rap because if Jesus can die for my sins why can't I run for another quarter of a mile. If God can love me that much, why can't I love myself enough to finish that 30mins. Surprisingly...it works and I'm glad because my only other option is to pray for the miracle that I go to sleep tonight and wake up healthy in my ideal body. And while I know He could do it, the same way He fed the multitude...I don't think that's on God's to do list.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
It is easier to be fat...
1. Being active is more work than not (being active).
2. Winter and rain makes it easier to be fat and
I really believe this and not just because I feel like I've been in a perpetual state of winter FOREVER....and there are more cold and bad weather months than warm weather ones. No...mainly because in my recent travels to Mexico and Florida where the temperature was consistently over 72 degrees - my body told me to do all the things that the cold weather tells me I can put off until tomorrow like: eat a salad instead, let's go running, hold your abs in, we should really workout today. The winter says things like - oh its too cold to run outside, there isn't enough day light once you get off work to get those 3 miles in and maybe we should snuggle on the sofa for a while...
3. Water is not made equally...
Lemonade always tastes like lemonade. I suspect sweet tea always tastes like sweet tea (I don't drink it). Soda always tastes like soda (except in Mexico) but water...no, water varies depending on where you are, how much ice, the quality of the water, the cup it is in. It is much easier to choose something that despite the 400 calories I won't notice I've taken in, will taste good regardless especially when the alternative is a weird look when I say I've brought my own water with me or ask for a whole lemon to mask the lack of floride used in the filtering process.
4. Counting calories sucks
So the growing trend in dining out is to make this easier as everyone tells you how many calories are in that nugget meal or that those garlic mashed potatoes are not in the "under 500 calories" section of the menu....but short of having an excuse to look busy and important on your phone - WHO is excited about recapping and strategically planning their food intake in hopes to stay somewhere between 12-1500 calories per day including snacks and that happy hour you promised to attend on the day you decided you wanted chicken fingers and french fries for lunch? WHO? It is always easier to eat whatever you want and hope/pray that it doesn't end up on your thighs - figuratively speaking of course!
Let's be real - there is a lazy person trapped in side of me screaming to get out. Usually the over-acheiver in me wins but just for a second, what if... I laid on the sofa all the time, quit all the extras in my life - including bicep curling a 2 yr old for fun and just ate whatever, whenever.
#Healthy 0 - Fat 1
2. Winter and rain makes it easier to be fat and
I really believe this and not just because I feel like I've been in a perpetual state of winter FOREVER....and there are more cold and bad weather months than warm weather ones. No...mainly because in my recent travels to Mexico and Florida where the temperature was consistently over 72 degrees - my body told me to do all the things that the cold weather tells me I can put off until tomorrow like: eat a salad instead, let's go running, hold your abs in, we should really workout today. The winter says things like - oh its too cold to run outside, there isn't enough day light once you get off work to get those 3 miles in and maybe we should snuggle on the sofa for a while...
#Healthy 0 - Fat 2
3. Water is not made equally...
Lemonade always tastes like lemonade. I suspect sweet tea always tastes like sweet tea (I don't drink it). Soda always tastes like soda (except in Mexico) but water...no, water varies depending on where you are, how much ice, the quality of the water, the cup it is in. It is much easier to choose something that despite the 400 calories I won't notice I've taken in, will taste good regardless especially when the alternative is a weird look when I say I've brought my own water with me or ask for a whole lemon to mask the lack of floride used in the filtering process.
#Healthy 0 - Fat 3
4. Counting calories sucks
So the growing trend in dining out is to make this easier as everyone tells you how many calories are in that nugget meal or that those garlic mashed potatoes are not in the "under 500 calories" section of the menu....but short of having an excuse to look busy and important on your phone - WHO is excited about recapping and strategically planning their food intake in hopes to stay somewhere between 12-1500 calories per day including snacks and that happy hour you promised to attend on the day you decided you wanted chicken fingers and french fries for lunch? WHO? It is always easier to eat whatever you want and hope/pray that it doesn't end up on your thighs - figuratively speaking of course!
# Healthy 0 - Fat 4
While I'm not sure that I want to take the road less traveled all the time...I guess I will continue to fight the good for healthy. I'll keep doing things other than sitting on my sofa, dream of warm weather while I run on the treadmill, continue to request extra lemon or byow...but the calorie counting... *sigh* I guess I will do that too.
All for the love of healthy! And losing this toddler!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Vacations come and vacations go...
But the extra few pounds that I gained from a high margarita, mexican diet fo four days won't seem to leave. I guess fun comes at a cost...and mine is 5lbs added. Despite the 30min fast paced sand walk, the 2 mile swim towing my mother or the 8hrs of walking around Xcaret (a park celebrating the Yucatan people and ruins) - I still managed to gain 5lbs.
The good news is that its not showing in my thighs and its only 5lbs, the bad news is that its 5lbs that I had already mastered. I shouldn't feel so bad as mom and CeCe gained weight too lol. Yep - crabs in a barrel all the way. If I gotta gain, We All gain!
Now I just have to motivate myself back to the gym. My present motivation is that when I go on vacay to JA later this year I want to be justified in wearing a bikini.
One more toddler to go and 5 months to make it happen. Readddddyyyy...Break!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
All bets are off...
I was doing so well, up to 5 days a week of workouts...even had a few weeks of 6 days. I lost 15lbs - allbeit assisted by sickness that severely suppressed by appetite. I can fit a pair of pants I haven't worn in years...I had finally overcome the hump! And then I got sleepy.
That is when I slowly discovered that when I'm sleepy my willpower is diminished, my drive begins lacking and my cravings increase to random nonsense.
Who knew the second of 4 weekends of travel and a little sleep depreviation would kill so much of my progress.
I could cry but as Janaan's dad would say "crying isn't going to fix anything" so instead I let CeCe talk me into the gym. I upped my base workout to 3miles and I'm gonna try to dust the cookie crumbs off and get back on the bandwagon.
I'm gonna keep betting on me!
Lose Toddler or Bust!!!!!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
One workout at a time
In my perfect world, I workout hard for 30mins and lose 5lbs. My thighs are slender, my core is tight but still soft, my arms are strong and my butt can bounce quarters... and then reality sets in.
I have committed to 2 miles or 20mins on the treadmill but after two weeks I got bored. So now I'm doing my own version of a circuit with the cardio and hoping for the best.
On the days when its the hardest to change and go to the gym...I stop focusing on the things I don't like about me and start focusing on the me I envision cause while I'm cute now...I envision and all types of awesomedly figured me with cute clothes, more shoes and a handbag and watch collection that would make MK jealous.
That was until I got sick (like forreal fever, medicine, home from work sick) on Sunday. Now here we are at Wednesday and I'm still opting out. Not because I'm not focused but because in the last 5 days I've lost 15lbs...and not on purpose. I'm afraid that if I burn off the 5-700 calories that have been able to keep with me today that I will end up sexy...in a hospital gown.
So one workout at a time when healthy... but I'm definitely working out tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Fat Girl Problems...
the new thing is to talk about 1st world problems... and I've mastered getting upset that I can figure out how to upload my contact list so my car will recognize who I want to call or being upset that my latest handbag obsession is almost the same price as my too high electricity bill, etc. We live in a time where everyone has a problem that they want to shout from the mountain top...and since we live in a culture of "being the skinniest" here are my fat girl problems...
1. Skinny arm holes.... I don't know when the committee of clothing designers got together and decided that if I no longer needed an XL in my shirt that my arms should be the same size as the chick that wears the Small. As if it isn't enough that I finally got my side stomachs and back to start co-operating with my diet and exercise plan...now you want me to give me an arm issue??
2. Snacking in public... so while my snacks have gotten much healthier (an apple or pistachios generally instead of chips) it is still hard for me to snack in public and not wear a t-shirt or sign that says "I haven't eaten anything since a bowl of cereal at 8am and now its 3pm" or "don't judge my snacks and I won't judge your face" or even "I just finished running 3miles while that skinny chick just rolled out of bed...now who is healthier?"
3. Size appropriate cars... I just got my first new car...after 10years of driving my last car until the wheels fell off (not literally but if anyone is reading this from Chevy, it was working when I last drove it). During my car shopping experience one of my biggest fears was having to drive a small/mid size SUV that made me look like a giant stuff into a midget car. I don't want to look like the steering wheel and my boobs are conjoined twins or like I hide twinkies in the glove box just in case of a traffic jam (which I don't!)...I just want a car that makes me look normal size
4. Fat fingers...this may not be a fat girl problem but I sure wouldn't mind if during all this weight loss my fingers dropped a few ounces. I want to try on the rings in the jewelry section without having to pray that it doesn't get stuck
5. Inappropriate breathing assumptions... now those who know me, know I have asthma. I've had it since I was a baby and it doesn't matter what size I become...I will have asthma. Now my asthma is induced by three things: Stress, Exercise and Allergies...so that means I can be sitting at my desk at work and my lungs will take an unathorized break. I'm cool with it now...but what I'm not cool with is the looks that people give me when I'm breathing heavier than normal. I would appreicate it if you would stop assuming its because of my size...it might be because I just finished running (as I have on workout clothes) or that I'm having an attack (as I sit in the waiting room at the dr with my inhaler) or that you stink and I was tired of holding my breathe for fear that I might pass out!
I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now but all I'm saying is....this is my mountain top...and here are some of my problems!
1. Skinny arm holes.... I don't know when the committee of clothing designers got together and decided that if I no longer needed an XL in my shirt that my arms should be the same size as the chick that wears the Small. As if it isn't enough that I finally got my side stomachs and back to start co-operating with my diet and exercise plan...now you want me to give me an arm issue??
2. Snacking in public... so while my snacks have gotten much healthier (an apple or pistachios generally instead of chips) it is still hard for me to snack in public and not wear a t-shirt or sign that says "I haven't eaten anything since a bowl of cereal at 8am and now its 3pm" or "don't judge my snacks and I won't judge your face" or even "I just finished running 3miles while that skinny chick just rolled out of bed...now who is healthier?"
3. Size appropriate cars... I just got my first new car...after 10years of driving my last car until the wheels fell off (not literally but if anyone is reading this from Chevy, it was working when I last drove it). During my car shopping experience one of my biggest fears was having to drive a small/mid size SUV that made me look like a giant stuff into a midget car. I don't want to look like the steering wheel and my boobs are conjoined twins or like I hide twinkies in the glove box just in case of a traffic jam (which I don't!)...I just want a car that makes me look normal size
4. Fat fingers...this may not be a fat girl problem but I sure wouldn't mind if during all this weight loss my fingers dropped a few ounces. I want to try on the rings in the jewelry section without having to pray that it doesn't get stuck
5. Inappropriate breathing assumptions... now those who know me, know I have asthma. I've had it since I was a baby and it doesn't matter what size I become...I will have asthma. Now my asthma is induced by three things: Stress, Exercise and Allergies...so that means I can be sitting at my desk at work and my lungs will take an unathorized break. I'm cool with it now...but what I'm not cool with is the looks that people give me when I'm breathing heavier than normal. I would appreicate it if you would stop assuming its because of my size...it might be because I just finished running (as I have on workout clothes) or that I'm having an attack (as I sit in the waiting room at the dr with my inhaler) or that you stink and I was tired of holding my breathe for fear that I might pass out!
I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now but all I'm saying is....this is my mountain top...and here are some of my problems!
Monday, January 28, 2013
I dreamt that I was skinny...
Well, not skinny but that I had reached my goal and my thunder thighs were less thunderous.
Usually I dream about randomness, mixing my reality and my fantasy into some weird production in technicolor where I can't tell if what I wanted to happen, happened. But nooo, not this time. I saw it.
I was in my inspiration pants that are presently taunting me 31 days before my first vacation in over a year AND they were loose. As if that wasn't enough, I was gloating about how I did it to one of my fitness accountability partness.
I'm not sure if I should keep this dream to myself in case it becomes a nightmare in 32 days but I guess it's the inspiration I need to get up at 5:30/6am and workout.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
and then I quit...
Yeah, you read that right... I quit. I ran a half marathon and decided that I didn't need to make anymore life goals as it related to my health and level of physical activity. Probably not the best idea but it is what I went with at the time.
Here we are - in full swing of a new year (I am resolution free) and I'm back at it again. This time I'm going to keep up the blogging so people can know what I'm doing and maybe, just maybe I will inspire someone.
I have quit some things for good though in 2013 in hopes to be a better, healthier, happier me...including:
1. Drama...I refuse to accept any from myself or the people with whom I associate
2. Focusing on the number on the scale...now I will continue to get on the scale because it helps keep me motivated and on track...but I'm more focused on how my body looks and how my clothes fit
3. Being afraid of being happy or commitment or anything that is for the greater good of my life. Janaan told me I have to be willing to let good things happen to me...and I'm officially ready for them!
4. Waiting for someone to run with me, workout for me or care about what I'm doing for me. I have to do this for me and while I have some awesome supportive friends - if I'm not invested...I can't and shouldn't expect them to be
there are a few others that I can't quite articulate or feel I should keep in private...
so yes, I did quit on a lot of things but I refuse to quit on me. ever. again.
Here we are - in full swing of a new year (I am resolution free) and I'm back at it again. This time I'm going to keep up the blogging so people can know what I'm doing and maybe, just maybe I will inspire someone.
I have quit some things for good though in 2013 in hopes to be a better, healthier, happier me...including:
1. Drama...I refuse to accept any from myself or the people with whom I associate
2. Focusing on the number on the scale...now I will continue to get on the scale because it helps keep me motivated and on track...but I'm more focused on how my body looks and how my clothes fit
3. Being afraid of being happy or commitment or anything that is for the greater good of my life. Janaan told me I have to be willing to let good things happen to me...and I'm officially ready for them!
4. Waiting for someone to run with me, workout for me or care about what I'm doing for me. I have to do this for me and while I have some awesome supportive friends - if I'm not invested...I can't and shouldn't expect them to be
there are a few others that I can't quite articulate or feel I should keep in private...
so yes, I did quit on a lot of things but I refuse to quit on me. ever. again.
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