Fat Girl Problems...

the new thing is to talk about 1st world problems... and I've mastered getting upset that I can figure out how to upload my contact list so my car will recognize who I want to call or being upset that my latest handbag obsession is almost the same price as my too high electricity bill, etc. We live in a time where everyone has a problem that they want to shout from the mountain top...and since we live in a culture of "being the skinniest" here are my fat girl problems...

1. Skinny arm holes.... I don't know when the committee of clothing designers got together and decided that if I no longer needed an XL in my shirt that my arms should be the same size as the chick that wears the Small. As if it isn't enough that I finally got my side stomachs and back to start co-operating with my diet and exercise plan...now you want me to give me an arm issue??

2. Snacking in public... so while my snacks have gotten much healthier (an apple or pistachios generally instead of chips) it is still hard for me to snack in public and not wear a t-shirt or sign that says "I haven't eaten anything since a bowl of cereal at 8am and now its 3pm" or "don't judge my snacks and I won't judge your face"  or even "I just finished running 3miles while that skinny chick just rolled out of bed...now who is healthier?"

3. Size appropriate cars... I just got my first new car...after 10years of driving my last car until the wheels fell off (not literally but if anyone is reading this from Chevy, it was working when I last drove it). During my car shopping experience one of my biggest fears was having to drive a small/mid size SUV that made me look like a giant stuff into a midget car. I don't want to look like the steering wheel and my boobs are conjoined twins or like I hide twinkies in the glove box just in case of a traffic jam (which I don't!)...I just want a car that makes me look normal size

4. Fat fingers...this may not be a fat girl problem but I sure wouldn't mind if during all this weight loss my fingers dropped a few ounces. I want to try on the rings in the jewelry section without having to pray that it doesn't get stuck

5. Inappropriate breathing assumptions... now those who know me, know I have asthma. I've had it since I was a baby and it doesn't matter what size I become...I will have asthma. Now my asthma is induced by three things: Stress, Exercise and Allergies...so that means I can be sitting at my desk at work and my lungs will take an unathorized break. I'm cool with it now...but what I'm not cool with is the looks that people give me when I'm breathing heavier than normal. I would appreicate it if you would stop assuming its because of my size...it might be because I just finished running (as I have on workout clothes) or that I'm having an attack (as I sit in the waiting room at the dr with my inhaler) or that you stink and I was tired of holding my breathe for fear that I might pass out!


I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now but all I'm saying is....this is my mountain top...and here are some of my problems!

I dreamt that I was skinny...

Well, not skinny but that I had reached my goal and my thunder thighs were less thunderous.

Usually I dream about randomness, mixing my reality and my fantasy into some weird production in technicolor where I can't tell if what I wanted to happen, happened. But nooo, not this time. I saw it.

I was in my inspiration pants that are presently taunting me 31 days before my first vacation in over a year AND they were loose. As if that wasn't enough, I was gloating about how I did it to one of my fitness accountability partness.

I'm not sure if I should keep this dream to myself in case it becomes a nightmare in 32 days but I guess it's the inspiration I need to get up at 5:30/6am and workout.

and then I quit...

Yeah, you read that right... I quit. I ran a half marathon and decided that I didn't need to make anymore life goals as it related to my health and level of physical activity. Probably not the best idea but it is what I went with at the time.

Here we are - in full swing of a new year (I am resolution free) and I'm back at it again. This time I'm going to keep up the blogging so people can know what I'm doing and maybe, just maybe I will inspire someone.

I have quit some things for good though in 2013 in hopes to be a better, healthier, happier me...including:

1. Drama...I refuse to accept any from myself or the people with whom I associate

2. Focusing on the number on the scale...now I will continue to get on the scale because it helps keep me motivated and on track...but I'm more focused on how my body looks and how my clothes fit

3. Being afraid of being happy or commitment or anything that is for the greater good of my life. Janaan told me I have to be willing to let good things happen to me...and I'm officially ready for them!

4. Waiting for someone to run with me, workout for me or care about what I'm doing for me. I have to do this for me and while I have some awesome supportive friends - if I'm not invested...I can't and shouldn't expect them to be

there are a few others that I can't quite articulate or feel I should keep in private...

so yes, I did quit on a lot of things but I refuse to quit on me. ever. again.