No Mas Pantalones

Maybe instead I will wear shorts or skirts or dresses but no more pants. It is officially summer and the sun is in building! Despite my new pants revolution I'm excited about my new accomplishment of getting my thighs to join the movement and it will be televised lol. Why you ask...because recently I ventured into a store I happen to frequent for tops and dresses but couldn't get bottoms because like most places theydon't allow for my "thunder thighs" as my dad so lovingly put it. Usually I just keep it moving but I'm trying to slowly acquire new bottoms that fit appropriately so I picked up a few and asked Wilma to help me not make a fool of myself and maintain my self esteem for the day. This seems extra but the largest size in store is a14 so it isa big deal. I slip on the sorts and they fit well...I do a little dance, ask for a little reassurance, and triple check for appropriate fit and style. So now here we are...me super excited cause I'm almost at my next goal milestone despite my two week trip down what the heck...that isn't a good idea lane.

Status Report

Summer is officially here...and despite but being completely beach ready there is progress.To date that progress has been significantly slower in my thighs than anywhere else in my body but I'll take some progress over no progress any day. I am proud of my current success. I like my new body...but I still have work to do. I recently to an unintentional break that included all types of delicious nonsense but not without some real guilt. I'm re-committed to my goal for a healthier lifestyle and smaller clothes.

That dedication now means a weight lifting program, maintaining a run page of under 12min per mile and improving my eating habits.

So onward and smaller we go!!

TOP SECRET...

What do you do when your friends and family don't tell you that you are fat? Do they truly not see it because they see you all the time? Are they afraid to hurt your feelings? Does love give them a filter like in that one movie that I can't remember the name of?

Honestly - with my latest accomplishments in my weight loss/healthy living journey I've received a lot of compliments about how good I'm looking, oh my goodness you are disappearing etc, etc. Initially I had a complex because I wondered if I was a beach whale before...and those around me told me no...they didn't know why I was making such a fuss about people complimenting my progress. They insisted that I've always been proportionate and never fat, etc etc.

Then I went thru the phase where I finally started seeing a difference in my body and got excited and showing off a little more and they were like wow, yeah...but then I got a little insecure because my clothes are acting crazy and playing tricks on me...

So someone (out of love, respect and wanting to show me how proud she was) showed me some pictures of me from before...and I was a damn whale. And being proportionately fat does not make you less fat - it just means more body everywhere. And being tall isn't an excuse for not being healthy. But now I see the difference and being fit and active is part of my normal lifestyle, I crave it and I'm not going back to those clothes again...

And just so you know -  now I'm looking at all yall sideways cause no one told me.

Who Run It?!

I must admit that there are some very ignorant southern based rap songs that fit the most random occassions with an obscene amount of bass that is just enough to get your point across when you are hype.. I have no idea who sings/raps it but when I think about what I just did this pops into my head: "who run it! this something something run it, something what you about cause the first hater in is the first hater knocked out"  #dontjudgeme #slaughtersongssince83

Why is fitting today you ask?

Well because for over a year now I had a pace goal of 12min/mile - I got tired of running 5ks in 45mins and people congratulating me because I finished. I am also getting tired of the 10min/mile runners making me look bad on my route and MAYBE one day I will join a run club so I need a decent pace.

Well TODAY, Today, today... I did it! I did 3.1miles in 34mins 54secs with a few walk breaks to catch my breathe and get my music back together. Not only did I meet my goal of 12min/mile I beat it and did a 11min15sec/mile pace! 

 

I am so geeked right now it makes no sense! I'm also tired as hell... is it nap time yet?

 

#losingatoddlerandreachingnewheights

On: Giving up on Me

Truth is that I've almost given up on myself a number of times during this journey...usually it shows up in ways that are justifiable like being tired - so I would sleep in instead of working out, or being hungry - so I eat foods that I know don't help me towards my goal nor serve any nutritional value but there have been a few times when life has gotten the best of me. It is a feeling of being so overwhelmed that quitting truly seems like the best option. Or you feel like you haven't made any progress, so why keep fighting so hard for nothing.

The past few weeks have been exetremely stressful and I was doing good in managing it and ensuring I continue to workout and keep a positive disposition. Until I felt like my soul was crying - that day I quit me and everything that came along with it. Sure I can put on a game face for others but I could no longer fool myself. There was a day when I looked in the mirror and thought "life wasn't so bad when you were bigger...and you won't get but so big if you quit"

I had checked out... I did enough working out so as not to cause concern for those around me to notice...I conjured up enough energy to fake the right smiles and crack the right joke but on the inside I was falling...hard and fast. The only thing that is saving me is my faith and God knowing how much I can handle. I'm not all the way back yet but I was reminded that if God woke me up then He isn't done with me and if He hasn't given up on me...then I can't give up on me either.

Keep your head up!

I could be quoting Tupac and telling you that things are going to get easier...but he lied. He might not have lied about the juice being sweeter with a blacker berry but things don't get easier in weightloss or fitness. It seems that it is the exact opposite. The closer you get to your goal, the harder it gets.

I can almost smell the goal... I can see it... but then I got a little out of control and it's like my body is throwing a coup no matter what direction I go. I have to find a new balance for everything including the additional sleep that my body is presently requiring.

The good things is that I've been here before so I can keep my head up because NOTHING is going to stop me from reaching my goal!

#loseatoddlerordietrying