When keeping a diet goes wrong…

Generally my friends think that I’m over-zealous with 97% of everything I do. I just have one of those “go hard” personalities. Generally my friends are right but not this weekend – this weekend I was normal (in my own way)! Inline with my over-zealousness; I am doing a cleanse to help with weight loss but the more I looked at my plans for the weekend, the more I realized the cleansing diet just was not going to work.

I had a pretty busy schedule – I think I spent time with everyone (in the metro Atlanta) I had been neglecting because of travel and workout in 60hrs… in addition to football, my unwanted side hustle of hairstylist and church.

Day 1: I managed to keep on track on Friday with a last min reminder that shrimp and broccoli met the green veggie and chicken or fish rule but I fell asleep without taking the Friday night pill but it was all in the name of beauty.

Day 2: Then Saturday came… I didn’t eat breakfast because I was trying to do my hair and then I had to get a pedi before I headed to see mommy dearest and CeCe (to do their hair). I stopped for lunch at the chicken place got a grilled chicken sandwich and side salad – almost met the lunch rules minus the bread but I didn’t have breakfast so it was okay…right? Saturday night… well lets say that GB has delicious crab artichoke dip and no – that was not a part of the rules and neither were those 2 glasses of wine.

Day 3: ohhhh Sunday. Even God took a break on the 7^th day right? I jumped out of normal and straight into out of control. Janaan makes EXCELLENT dessert (and she will sell them to you too) – I went to help her and spend some QT with my Tinker and Paco Taco… and let’s just say that 2 cookies (who is really counting), a mini red velvet cake and a lot of other goodness later – diet smiet!  So you would think that I stopped there right? WRONG! I went to cheer on my favorite football team (EAGLES! And yes I say that with pride despite the recent loss) and a salad was not going with me. At tailgate I had some “apple juice” that’s what we will call it… the kind that makes some people more friendly and others more angry. I become more friendly – go figure. Then in the game I had an order of French fries – btw I think the GA Dome might have thee fries that I’ve had in a LONG time; and another adult beverage but of course this time I coupled it with water! EPIC FAIL

Speaking of water – who knows what happened to that gallon a day count – but I’m back on it… tomorrow, I left my big cup at home, oops!

But today, today, today is, is, is a new, new, new day, day day…. And I will be back on track! As long as I don’t pass out from doing too much including staying out because of the game until 12:15ish and up until almost 1am and waking up at 4:45 because I had boot camp at 5:30am this morning….

But I have lost 8lbs since the cleanse started!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My social life is trying to kill me…

My routine for the next month:

Monday: 5:30am bootcamp & walk/jog with CeCe for an hour in the evening

Tuesday: nothing but Shimmy is going to make me run with her in the evenings soon I’m sure

Wednesday: 5:30am bootcamp

Thursday: walk/job with CeCe for an hour in the evening

Friday: nothing but probably going to add the 5:30am bootcamp so I can sleep in on Saturday

Saturday: depends

Sunday: early morning run outside or on the treadmill before church

Not too bad right? That’s the same thing I thought until reality set in that I don’t just workout for a living and the people who I call friends and family like to spend time with me including my nephew and God-daughter who I am afraid won’t recognize my face not to mention their mommy who I talk to but might request id to verify that it is indeed me. I think my mom is going to report me missing because I usually visit her once a week and I haven’t seen that place in a month. My sis from another mother has quit me on several occasions and I can’t blame her but oh I miss the time we spend together (no homo). My BF squared, Sha-sha and I went to lunch a couple of weeks ago but we NEVER just go to lunch so it felt so incomplete but I had to go home and pack.

I’ve been on 3 vacations of at least 3/4 days since June not including numerous weekend trips to North Carolina, South Carolina, and DC. I still have two vacations, a day trip and 2 grand weekends left before October says goodbye. The only problem is that my vacations generally don’t involve any REST.

For instance – my last trip… we went to beautiful Las Vegas for 5 days. I’m sure I might have gotten 12hrs of sleep on the entire trip. Upon return (at 10pm return to Atlanta) – I had one day of rest – AFTER work…and then the next day… a 5k.

Who does this? Why does this skinny, crazy person inside me insist on packing my schedule to include working out but not take into account that there are only 24hrs in a day and I need sleep?!

Did I mention that I’m on 10-day cleanse as well. Yep… as a part of the Movement (losing a toddler) the opportunity presented itself to jump start my metabolism and shake up my system which should help me over this hump. As a part of the cleanse I get to eat:

Breakfast: Oatmeal and egg whites (I quit the egg whites in the market)

Midmorning Snack: Grapefruit (disgusting) or apples (preferably grapefruit so I did a mixture)

Lunch: Salad with only vegetables and chicken or fish

Afternoon Snack: Pistachios (the other options were like cashews or almonds but I don’t eat those)

Dinner: Green vegetables and Chicken or Fish

…and AT LEAST 1 gallon of water…

You know what that leaves me…

a disgruntled, hungry, sleepy person who is on her way to being sexy… right?!

Day 3 - the pain

The saying it hurts so good in relation to working out is a BIG FAT LIE – not a little white one (although I don’t like that saying). It’s the lie of all lies. Today the trainer had us do a 1 mile run and then a circuit series consisting of thrushes, reverse bicep curls, pushups, pelvis curls, and some other nonsense. Yeah you are thinking oh that’s not so bad until you find out that after that mile that you ran at 5:35am when you had determined that sleeping in was more fun than not being the fat friend that you have to do the circuit 3 times and then run another mile. But I D-I-DID it! – and my body didn’t fail, well; not all at once.

You can see the progression of my failure…body failure that is:

Arms

I presently am sporting a few extra tresses as a reminder of my recent vacation. Generally I will not walk out my door looking like I didn’t attempt to get ready to meet the man of my dreams but today – well, with my luck I’ll meet him. Why? Because I have a half of a ponytail…yes just a half of one. I got home pumped that I’d accomplished my days task – and already talked myself into going back another time this week. I had my supplies on deck (blow dryer, curling iron, misc. product) to beautify my situation….and then my arms said no thank you after three brush strokes and a half dried head. What is a girl to do? I live in the city so no one lives close to me (I like short suburban girls to be my friends) and if I had a wig you can’t put it over weave. So I said a silent prayer to God that I not look a complete wreck as I go to my office job and one painful brush at a time, managed to trap my hair at the back of my head.

The arm bone is connected to the leg bone

Now I’m dressed, blessed with a ponytail, lunch packed and ready to go! Or so I thought. I am wearing jeans to the office today because I’ll be spending some meaningful time with kids (and my coworkers) when I leave the office… to work in the field. Because my hair is in half a ponytail I can’t just throw on my weekend jeans, timbs and hoodie (see: Philly born) so I jazz it up a bit. I’m Janaan (http://findingjanaan.blogspot.com)  casual – well a little more than Janaan casual… I have on jeans, a cute white tee, tan blazer and tan miz mooz heels – my new favorites until I can wear my new green suede heels.  I grab my bags, and lock the door. I’m ready for the day and *GASP* on time…. Then I hit the steps. I’m now convinced that the devil created steps. With every bend and step my legs sent a surging pain directly to the nerve that makes my eyes water.

The leg bone is connected to my brain

So now I’m without arms and legs but I’m at work and halfway cute with half a ponytail…. I’m excited about the progress I’ve made and frustrated that I’ve not made more. My friends would say but you fractured your right ankle, sprained your left one, have severe chronic asthma, you just did a 5k and you played softball… my side stomach and back fat tell other stories. But I’m motivated to make a change in my life… starting with the woman in the mirror…pumped, hype and then my eyes blink and don’t want to open back up. I went to bed before 10pm, I’ve been eating a balanced diet, and I’ve even added a vitamin to help with my nutrient overload deficiency. So why workout fairy is it 10am and I’m ready for my 3pm nap?!

When I think I should feel like one of BeBes kids with too much energy, I feel like the wicked witch of the west and someone just threw water on me… I’m melllltttinngggg. I hope I gain my form back because I have to walk/jog tomorrow.

The Precursor

I was the kid that everyone loved because I had the fat cheeks, legs and thighs, curly hair and perfect little baby nose. Fast forward 28.7years and I have still have fat cheeks, legs and thighs... my hair isn't so curly anymore but my nose is still that same baby nose -mhmmm you read that right.

Now don't be mistaken - my only problem with self-esteem is that I have WAY too much. On occasion, like most women, I think about how I don't look like anyone on the magazines or on TV but self-hate does not live here anymore! There was a point when I didn't like my height because I was always the tallest kid but I like where I'm vertically positioned now - my horizontal portion is another story.

For reference - I am 5'9 and weigh XXX lbs - hey, I'm still a girl and that shall not be told.

I was watching "Say Yes to the Dress - Big Bliss" which I watch often - no problem. It definitely keeps me on my toes as a single woman who does not want to be the "big girl" at my own wedding (whenever that might be). After the standard two episodes went off - I got kidnapped by what is apparently a new show called "Big Sexy". Now I was on edge with Say Yes… because some of the women are clearly at a health risk and celebrating it but this show completely freaked me out. It was shortly after watching these two series that I realized that I – as lovable as I am; am the fat friend and my world crumbled.

Now by no means am I sloppy, all my fat is solid but I’m not shopping at 5-7-9 either. It was brought to my attention that I can’t completely take the title because the majority of my friends are 5’2 and the height difference cancels out the fatness – it still isn’t cool!  Honestly – my point in starting this movement is to decrease my weight/size and increase my health. I’m almost 30 and the only “disease” I have is asthma that I was born with… I reached a point in my life that God has allowed me to keep my health and I should stop trying my luck.

So…. Off to losing my toddler!