I Poot on that!

Yep - it finally happened. I should have known it was coming. I was building a rapport with the SWGs (skinny white girls) - I am Mikey and they really like me. Well, they've at least managaed to stop the awkward stare. Some still do the "it's okay fat girl" encouragement but overall, I think they are used to me.
See I am two minorities at my gym - black and fat. The trainers are brown like me but they don't count. Everyone else that consistenly works out at 5:30am MWF is a skinny white girl. There have been a few fat girls show up and a few black girls, they all give me that "we are in this together" look. I sheepishly smile back and then ignore everyone. You might be saying I'm rude but I'm not. Who goes to the gym to make friends? My goal is to keep up with the girl who can sprint a quarter mile with a 20lb medicine ball in 30secs (which takes all my energy) not with the one that's gonna suggest we meet at ihop over pancakes. I can have those with my disillusioned skinny friends that I already know.
I digress... So they like me, know me and even come to expect me to be there. I should have known that it would happen as this has been thee gasiest woman week in a long time. I'm working out - doing one legged box squats (yep, it's as crazy as it sounds) and I poot. It was audible but no smell. I said excuse me, did a quick "did anybody react to that" check and kept working out. Next time, someone should turn the music up before we start working out.

Oh the possibilities...

It's possible to lose weight without exercising. I just can't do it by myself. It's possible to lose weight without making drastic changes to your eating habits. I just haven't been able to do that consistently by myself. It's possible to find the low fat, sugar free, transfat free and/or gluten free of everything. I just don't want to eat taste free food for the sake of eating. It's possible to workout without breaking extreme sweats (low impact). I just haven't done any of that - I think there might be a disconnect there. It's possible to keep your workout and diet regimen while pmsing and going through your womanly week. I think my body tells me to do it by myself (it hurts). It's possible to lose inches and tone but not lose any weight. I seemed to have masterd this.

It's possible!

Friends...how many of us have them!

Friends...ones we can depend on! *cuts music*

I know my friends and maybe that is because there are only a handful of them. I love them dearly but let me tell you who my friends are not:

1. The scale - I should have known when it tried to make me feel dumb when I had to set it up but now I'm convinced it lies to me. Sometimes it does it to make me feel better, sometimes to make me feel worse but I can't believe that after eating a twix, "chips" and drinking 12oz of wasikoki that I lost weight

2. Most clothing designers - I don't know what committee came together to make the decisions but I would like to state for the record that there are sizes between juniors and plus size that people need. Having large breasts does not mean I have a protruding stomach and want to wear a potato sack. I don't need extra room in the stomach when I buy my pants, I need extra room in the thighs for goodness sake! If I wear an XL in the torso of the shirt why would my armholes be the same size as the person in an XS?!?! Really people - lets think some?!

3. Marketing Professionals - now the good thing here is that I'm generally not affected but am I the only one who realized that 90% of commercials and billboards are about fattening foods? I've yet to see someone advertise that they are decreasing their portion sizes to help fight the urge to over-indulge...

4. Quick weight loss solutions - this is not their fault but really I want to punch them. How am I supposed to stay focused on my new healthy lifestyles if you keep flashing your easy ways for me to get skinnier?!? Hunh?

5. Low self esteem plus size shoppers - anyone who knows me will tell you that the only problem with self esteem I have is that I have too much of it. So maybe I just don't get it... Never have I walked into a store for plus size women (12+) and declared war on other people. So can someone please tell me why no matter where I am or what store I go to why women in these stores seem to cut me with their eyes and become rude or mean to me? I can fit some of the clothes just like you. I'd like not to be ostersized just like you but yet you treat me like I'm a top dollar hoe trying to steal your man. Can't we all just get along?

I'm sure there are others who aren't my friends but I'll let them stay covert for now...But I'm on to you, like a fat kid on a sofa when playing wii.

My...declaration.

My life is...easy. Yep - that's my declaration!

There is no real reason other than lack of discipline to explain why I don't work out consistently. I don't have any kids, my dating life is non-existent, I only work normal business hours, I don't travel extensively (except for leisure), I don't have any injuries prohibiting my ability(thank God), my asthma is fully controlled but yet and still... I don't work out consistently.

By consistenly - I mean it is hard for me to set a schedule that on these 5-6 days during these times, I'm going to the gym. I have "great" excuses when I don't go like spending time with friends and family, over-sleeping, not wanting to wash my hair, it's too cold, I have asthma, etc... But they never soundas good when I say them to others outloud.

In my defense, I sweat in my head so I can't workout, shower and keep going. I have to wash or condition my hair. I can't run when it's too cold YET - I have bad asthma. I'm not just fat b/c I like moes and zaxbys and chips but b/c I've had/have a history of injuries/illnesses that prohibit exercise (lets just say my mom can sell crutches for profit and oxygen is a hot commodity).

I am dedicated to being halfway healthy. I don't over-indulge constantly, I like to play sports, I keep convincing myself I like to run and I go to the doctor. So while I'm not bikini skinny - I don't have any obesity related illnesses and I'd like to keep it that way!

*drops mic... exits stage left*

The kid is back!

And so is about 6lbs of my hard work. I know I haven't kept up with my journey but social life and life transitions took over that.

Quitting my last job was one of the best things I did for my stress levels and mental sanity Quitting my job was one of the worst things I did for my workout routine. Who knew that I'd want to sleep in b/c I had no where to go for a week? Who knew that the first week of my new job wouldn't fit my workout schedule? I mean, in theory I did but who wants to admit self sabotage?

On a more positive note... I made it made to the gym this morning. I even tried to kill myself by putting my stomach band on during the 1hr - 700 calorie burn circuit training. I've also been convinced that I should run a half marathon in 2012 which means on top of working out I need to start back training for running...and that I should join CeCe doing the 17 day diet. Mine is modified but I still feel like I'm being over-zealous again! Awesome!

The C-O-N-spiracy

My body is trying to kill me and apparently, I am acting as an accomplice.  76% of the time I am your average, run of the mill, modern day fool. I am the one who played softball not even 3 months after getting out of a cast when it took 2.5 months to find my fractured ankle; who planned to run a 5k two days after 5 days of partying in Sin City; who drove myself to the doctor in the middle of an asthma attack, oh and I quit my job without having another one in a recession…get the point yet?   Most of the ideas sound really good in my head – really they do, and then I talk to one of my friends and they ask me questions like… “Really? Did you think that was a good idea?” which lets me know that it wasn’t the smartest thing I’d done. That 24% of the time when I’m not a fool – I’m full on GENIUS! It’s crazy, how great I am. Too bad I wasn’t operating in the 24% this morning.

So generally about a week before that beautiful time of the month that solidifies my womanly stance – I start having random cravings and get a migraine. This month – I went to Miami the week before so all symptoms were masked by the contents of my sippy cup and exhaustion from partying too much. Symptoms masked – I came back from Miami and a week and a half of not working out and jumped back into it…on Wednesday and then again on Friday and not to be outdone by vacation; again on Saturday. By Sunday morning, I had lost the almost 7lbs I gained from not working out and going on vacation… not bad at all if I say so myself!

NOTE: the faint at heart should stop reading here…

Sunday began as usual – I woke up early in hopes to not have to rush in getting ready for church but still ended up running late. I’ll blame it on “her” showing up – and I wasn’t completely surprised but definitely not excited. We generally don’t have fun together – but this is the price I pay for the blessing of being able to bear children…right? I make it through church on a prayer and focused on praise… afterwards, I make a bee-line straight to my nearest CVS and eatery for some soup and salt craving. I feel like I’m going down but this is just lethargy like usual…right? Wrong. I get home, prepare to eat and relax because later on I’m going to spend time with my SFAM (sis from another mother).

My body had other plans… by 12:30pm I was in a fetal position on my sofa wondering where my mommy was and cursing Eve for biting the forbidden fruit. By 1pm, I felt like I had been hit by an 18-wheeler and stiletto fairy was doing a two step on my uterus. I managed to pop some pills and was passed out shortly their after. I woke up a couple of hours later – I think the pain pills wore off and mommy called for her normal Sunday check-in – and all I could do was pray and try not to cry. By 7pm hunger struck and I mustered up the strength to go the market because of course I have no food and even worse,  no ginger ale – MISTAKE. Now this is where you would think I would have learned my lesson and tapped out until I felt better right? Wrong again!

Monday is workout day – so I set my alarm clock for 4:45am with my back up 5am alarm. I just gotta – I have to be able to fit a dress for mini-me’s sweet 16 and exercise will make the cramps lighter – or so that’s the lie they told me. I wake up on time with no energy but if I can at least get up (physically just stand up) I can make it. I don’t know how I did it but by 5:16am I was leaving to work on loosing this toddler. It all went downhill from there. I told the trainer – cutie who meets the height, chocolate and employment requirements – that I had cramps…no masking it, no playing it down like my stomach just hurt but I’m sure as he tried to encourage me to rev up my squats that my head did a complete 360 while my eyes were rolling as I spewed the words at him. There goes the chance for that date. Later, while doing crunches, I’m pretty sure I started crying and if you paid me to do a plank for 10 seconds today I would be broke. I made it threw it though – thinking that it should be better now… wrong again. I go home and get ready for work (almost my last day) – only to discover in addition to the pain that I had on Sunday that it now hurts to turn my torso, talk, laugh, walk, blink, thinking about crying and even think about moving… with my last request being to please bury me in one of the dresses with the tags on it because apparently it was to die for!   

Okay – so I’m not really dying but my life hurts so bad L