She called me fat

I was feeling super cute despite the rain. I had on pants that are remnants of a smaller me, my shoulders were out and I was wearing my favorite color: green. The nurse took my blood pressure (106/60), my asthma has been under control, everything responds well now I just have to get my blood work she says. Then she turns to me and calls me fat. I listen to her carry on about how I shouldn’t eat things that I already don’t eat. She insinuates that I am not doing what I need to do to not be fat. Tells me about weight watchers and water and calories as I sit there in disbelief…how do I respond in a non-violent manner?

I tried to be an adult… I told her I lost 20lbs recently. I told her I was training for a half marathon and that I play softball. I even told her my problem but all she sees is that I am fat. So I stopped talking, bottled my anger, said okay and left.

I’m still not okay with it. I was happy with my progress until she called me fat. My whole day crumbled. None of my progress made a difference. I wanted to quit, in fact… I did. I screamed, I yelled, I said bad and mean words, I laughed, I complained, I ate, I said more mean words, I accepted it, I refused it, and 7 days later I am still upset.

She said I should to lose 70lbs as if it was the initial goal and then we will work on the rest of the fat after that. I’m trying to accept it as a greater good for my health but I’m already healthy soooo explain that. Actually don’t, cause the reality is that I don’t want anyone to explain…there is a lot I don’t want like:

I don’t want to be judged by the number on the scale and not my body measurements

I don’t want my overall health picture to be discounted because the bmi number isn’t in the prescribed range

I don’t want sympathy or encouragement towards the goal I’m not sure I’m accepting

I don’t want to feel like a failure because I’m not skinny

I don’t want to not accept the goal because my ego is hurt when it is for my benefit

I don’t want to be fat but I don’t want to be the un-fat big girl.

I want to be happy and secure and healthy and if that means I have to lose 70lbs, I guess I’m no longer losing a toddler…

apparently, I’m losing a middle schooler